Books I Read in 2019

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It's that time again!  Time to look back at the books I read in 2019 (link to Goodreads provided so that you can click and find more information if any of these titles look interesting to you) and list my favorites. Please tell me your favorite reads from the last year in the comments - it's my favorite part of doing this annual book blog!

One of the reasons I track my reading is to see what genres are going well (in quantity and quality), what areas I need to pick it up, what things are new, and what things stay consistent over time.  The synopsis of that is:

•  High Point:  I really loved the fiction reads this year - this might be the best group since I started keeping track.  
• Needs improvement:  I would like to read more and better nonfiction books next year, so please send those recommendations my way. 
• Best surprise:  I've started reading Harry Potter (for the first time!) with Zoey, and to my great surprise, I'm enjoying it as much as she is.  I'm not a big fantasy person, but this series has some good hooks for fantasy newbies (such as -- the houses are like a personality sorting system; it's a coming of age, boarding school story; there's a significant sports subplot; and there's lots of fun and humor mixed in).
• #Goals:  I haven't read any classics for the past couple years; relatedly, I've never read any of Jane Austen's books; so this year, one of my goals is to read at least one Jane Austen book. 

And now, here are this year's tops:

Fiction:
"The Lager Queens of Minnesota" by J. Ryan Stradal
"Where the Crawdads Sing" by Delia Owens
"An American Marriage" by Tayari Jones
"Underground Airlines" by Ben Winters
"Daisy Jones and the Six"by Taylor Jenkins Reid
"Ask Again, Yes" by Mary Beth Keane
"Crossing to Safety" by Wallace Stegner
"The Scholar" by Dervla McTiernan
The first 3 Harry Potters

(My two very favorites were "Where the Crawdads Sing" and "Ask Again, Yes")

Nonfiction:

Memoir:
1.  "Becoming: by Michelle Obama
2.  "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" by Lori Gottlieb

Christian Living:
1.  "You Who:  Why You Matter and How to Deal with It" by Rachel Jankovic
2.  "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way" by Lysa Terkeurst

Books that Make you Think:
1.  "Trick Mirror:  Reflections on Self Delusion" by Jia Toliento
2.  "I'm Still Here:  Black Dignity in a World made for Whiteness" by Austin Channing Brown
3.  "The Eating Instinct:  Food Culture, Body Image, and Guilt in America" by Virginia Sole Smith
4.  "Uniquely Human:  A Different Way of Seeing Autism" by Barry Prizant

These are my favorites - let me know yours!

Eliminating Hurry

It's December!  The busiest month of the year!

If you are in the young family stage, this might be a maximally busy holiday season for you - work parties, extended family celebrations, kids to plan (extensively) for, end of school semester parties, Christmas concerts, teacher gifts, etc.  (If you are in a slower season, whether by choice or by circumstance, then this Advent post might resonate more.)  Even if you're not in this demographic, chances are good that this time of year feels crazy.  There are gifts to buy, decorations to put up, cookies to make, concerts to attend, fitting in some of the holiday activities like looking at Christmas lights and caroling and service projects, and making more of an effort to attend church.

All of these activities are good things, but when they pile on top of each other in the span of just a few weeks, they can create a state of frenetic hurry and exhaustion.  I just listened to an excellent podcast about how "hurry is the great enemy of souls in our days".  If we overschedule to the point of exhaustion, then we don't have the ability to love those around us well and to enjoy the season.

So with that in mind, what are some steps we can take to ruthlessly eliminate hurry, specifically during the holiday season?  (These are some of my ideas - please add yours in the comments!)

1.  Recognize if you're taking a "more is better" approach that is actually unhelpful.  In an effort to "remember the reason for the season", I overdid it on Advent materials this year.  Each morning, with the kids, I'm trying to get through an Advent calendar and a chapter from the Jesus storybook Bible; then on my own, I'm switching to a reading of Mary's Magnificat, a reading from our church's Advent booklet, and a reading from a Tim Keller book.  All in the span of about 15 minutes.  These are all good materials, but this is just WAY too much, and the result is that all my focus is on racing from one thing to the next rather than choosing one and really basking in it.  Next year, I'm going to narrow my Advent materials way down.  Not all good things need to be done right now - choose the best things for you and your family, and leave the others aside without guilt. 

2.  Recognize if you're doing this for cultural or social media expectations.  A good example of this for me is Elf on the Shelf.  Many moms do this, and it makes for really cute Instagram posts.  But having a daily activity like that is stressful to me, so we don't do it - and our kids seem to be having a good holiday season even without it!  Another example is Santa pictures - again, they look really cute on social media, but all 3 of my kids are scared to death of the photo op Santas, so we will likely have zero Santa pics from their entire childhoods - and they are still having a holly jolly Christmas :).  [Important caveat here that I'm NOT saying to choose only things that bring you joy.  There might be things that you could care less about but that matter tremendously to your spouse, or your sister, or your middle child - it's still good to prioritize things that those who you love care about (assuming healthy boundaries on the part of all) - I'm saying here that you don't have to prioritize a thing just because our culture prioritizes it.]

3.  Make a game plan and stick to it.  Especially with gifts - the more of this you can map out and knock out in November (or earlier?! if you're super organized), the more you will be freed up to enjoy the activities of December, rather than fitting store runs in between the increased load of activities.  And if it's the activities themselves that are causing the feeling of hurry, pick and choose which activities are most important to you this year, and save the rest for future holiday seasons. 

4.  Keep it simple.  It's really nice to remember and acknowledge those in your life during the holiday season, but not every gift has to be homemade or super personalized.  We have about a dozen teachers and therapists to give gifts to this year, so while I do try to write a thoughtful card, the gift attached to it is either Costco chocolates or gift card. 

5.  Don't compare.  All families are different.  Our family needs to take it pretty slow and usually limit weekend activities to about one (or maaaybe two) things per day, or most of us will be totally burned out.  Some families do really well with a fuller slate of activities, and there is no need to compete with nor to judge families who do their family schedules differently.  Furthermore, each person has different gifts.  My mom and mother-in-law are both excellent at creating a cozy Christmas atmosphere with beautiful holiday decorations and ample baked goods.  My decorating style is much more functional - we put up a tree and stockings so that there's a place to put the gifts, but there's not a lot beyond that.  I appreciate that we get to enjoy the beautiful atmosphere that both sides of my family have created, and I appreciate the joy they take in creating this beautiful setting, but I also feel happy with our holiday decor. 

What tips would you add to this list?  I hope that all of you are having a good December, and wishing you an abundance of love, joy, hope, and peace during this holiday season!

Thankful 2019

It's November - the month of thankfulness!  For the past few years, I've done daily thankful posts and put them on this blog.  This fall has been complicated:  at some points more emotionally heavy than usual (with the unexpected loss of our dog and then the passing of my grandma); at some points very sweet but also busy (with a new puppy, a California vacation, and birthday celebrations); right now, I've got two kids who are getting a 9 day Thanksgiving break thanks to a stomach bug.  So while I need the discipline of gratitude as much as ever, I honestly just haven't been in a great head space to do these.

Luckily, I have some archives to draw on from the past few years :).  This year, I'm going to do one thankful post rather than 30, and it's going to be largely a recap (kind of like when sitcoms show a bunch of little clips from past episodes).  The thing I'm going to focus on this year is people I'm thankful for.  I've written about many of you before, so I'm going to link to those past posts - I'm also hoping that by putting this in one post rather than 30, there's a better chance that some of you will see my gratitude posts about you!  Without further ado, I am grateful for:

• My immediate family (hugs, memories with Kenny, love of kids, daily life with Kenny, Santa Rosa trip, Christmas decorating, wedding rehearsal dinner, the whole family, guitar, Kenny as spouse)
• My extended family (sister, my brothers, my mom, sister texts, my mom's encouragement, my mother-in-law)
• My mom friends (Reno playgroup, Reno friends, socks)
• My church family, past and present (Kim of Krew, Kim's Krew)
• Classmates / Teammates / Friends who go way back (pizza with college friends, Katie Nuge, Judy, track coach, teams)
• Co-workers (law firm Co-workers, Alamosa friends) 
• The community of providers who take care of my kids, more special needs thank yous

And, after reviewing all the past posts, I can now see that there are some people who are incredibly important to me that I can't believe I haven't yet written about - right at the top of this list is my dad, my in-laws, my current church family, and fellow special needs families.  Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of daily thankfuls next November, and I'm putting these folks at the top of the list.

While I'm doing throwbacks, here's a couple more past posts on the general theme of thankfulness.

Thank you to all of you who are part of my community, whether near or far!  And I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving!  Feel free to list your thankfuls in the comments and spread the gratitude love.

Traveling with Kids

As the holidays approach, many of us will be traveling with kids.  Since my family of origin and my family-in-law live 1400 miles apart, we've logged lots of travel miles with kids in the past nine years, both by car and airplane.  So I thought I'd write a blog post with some tips!

General Tips:

• Be prepared but be flexible - this is the overriding mantra of the trip.  Most of this blog will go over the "be prepared" part, but even if you plan for every last contingency you can think of, something unexpected will come up.  So get ready as much as you can, and then be flexible as surprises come up.  
• Show enthusiasm - If parents are psyched about the vacation, even the traveling part, kids will often follow suit.  
• Make packing lists - Gone are the days of throwing things in a backpack 10 minutes before you leave.  I make lists for medical, hygeine, entertainment, clothes, and food.  If you happen to be a medically complex family, triple check both the list and the packing of the medically necessary things  (But you already knew that!).  
• Everything you can buy at your destination conveniently, do that.  For things like diapers and groceries, we just bring what will get us through the trip (and a teeny bit extra in case of delay).  I've started using Walmart Online grocery ordering for trips back to Nebraska and it's amazing.  Especially for my very picky kid, there's no more driving to multiple grocery stores looking for the exact items he needs, and no more of my parents worrying whether they got the exact right things that will work for my family - they can be reserved ahead of time.
• Bring a couple gallon sized plastic bags - This can come in handy for so many things:  motion sickness barf bag; storage of smelly fruit peels; storage of a dirty diaper / outfit - just to name a few.  (Hope you're not eating while you read this!)  
• Prepare for sickness - Someone in my family always gets sick when we travel.  Like clockwork.  So part of my standard packing list is thermometer and Ibuprofen.  We have one kid who often gets motion sick, so I bring a med for that.  We have 2 kids with breathing issues, so we bring Albuterol.  And then, of course, whatever meds kids regularly take.  It's also a good idea to know where the nearest / best urgent care and hospital is at your destination.
• Have a backup plan besides electronics.  I think traveling is an *excellent* time to let screen time rules go out the window and let your kids go crazy on their devices, but we have had multiple occasions where the device runs out of batteries or just stops working and meanwhile you're in big city traffic or out in the middle of nowhere for several hours - if you have some books or toys or drawing materials available, this will help the kids deal.  (Also, given enough time, kids actually do get bored of devices, so your backups will also be useful for this.)
• Take every opportunity to use bathrooms - Every gas station.  Every airport layover. And if kids are very recently potty trained, I usually have them travel in a diaper.   
• Night travel - this can work pretty well with young kids if adults are up for it.  But you run the risk that kids won't sleep well, and you have the certainty that one or both adults will barely sleep, which can result in some jet lagged feeling wasted days at the start of the trip - we've done this before, but now we generally avoid it.  #old

Airplane Specific Tips:

• Know the rules - children under 2 fly for free but you need to call ahead to tell the airline and you need to bring a copy of their birth certificate; strollers and car seats usually check for free and don't count against your luggage limit; if you bring stroller to the gate, it will need to be gate checked; everything has to be broken down and taken apart to get through security, so have a plan for that if you're traveling alone.  (You might want to put pre-walking babies in a baby carrier for just this reason, or bring one in addition to the stroller if you're the only adult.)
• Bring Clorox wipes - Use them on the seat belts, trays, and hand rests.  I'm not a germaphobe, but  this practice has cut our sickness-right-after-flying rate in half.  
• Car seat rack - Convertible car seats are a huge pain when traveling, but if you buy a handy dandy car seat roller (pictured below), they can serve as a stroller in the airport and an easy way to haul your big old car seat around when you're also trying to carry other luggage and hold other kids' hands.  



Convertible car seat roller

• Drinks - I don't bring any kind of drinks for kids on airplanes - drinks can't go through security, they spill all over backpacks, they add weight and bulk to the ton of other stuff you're bringing.  It makes it a treat when the stewardess brings a juice, and it limits the need for bathroom.  You can get them nice and re-hydrated the next day :).
• Food - I do bring TONS of snacks, though, as this serves as both an activity to kill time and a way to stave off grumpiness.  (This is a good time to be somewhat generous with whatever your family considers to be "treats" because this will keep your kids happy, but be careful not to go too crazy with outside-the-norm treats because you don't want to bring on a sick stomach.)
• Infants - Plan to try to feed them during take off and landing - this will help with calm and ear pressure.  
• 1-2 year olds - This is the hardest time to do airplane travel.  If possible, let them run around a bunch before you get on the plane, and let them run around more at the layover.  Bring rotating snacks.  Let them tear up the Sky Mall magazine.  Whatever it takes.
• Remember that even if it goes horribly, it will all be over in a couple hours :).

Car Specific:

• Stops - Plan for (way!) more and longer stops that you would need with adults, and try to include bathrooms and an opportunity to run around every time.  If you can have kids eat meals in the car, that helps with time.
• Car entertainment - The Dollar Store has an excellent selection of old school car games, such as Road Bingo and Etch-a-Sketch.  We also use the Alphabet game and Interview as regular stand-bys.  
• Rotating entertainment - Make bags of the following, and rotate every 30-60 minutes:  food, small bags of toys, drawing materials, and books.  Also, use music and audio books in the mix, and gazing out the window as much as they can tolerate (you might be surprised).  
• Per day limits - If you're going to be driving for more than a day, try to limit drive time to 8 hours per day or less, and try to get a reasonably early start on the day, so that you have plenty of time for stops, and everyone has some downtime when you get to your stopping point. If you can find a motel with a pool and continental breakfast, these will both be hugely helpful with kids.  

When you Get there:

• If you're not already staying with family or friends, I would strongly consider a VRBO.  It helps so much to have a kitchen to prepare food and common space for the kids to play, and to not to have to worry about noise (either the noise you're making early in the morning, or others are making late at night).  
• No matter what you're doing, plan some downtime each day at your home base.
• Having a pool or green space available nearby helps a ton.
• Food - Try to do some meals not in restaurants, and have snacks available all the time.  This will help picky eater kids, but it will also help with things like budget and adults' sanity.  

Some final words of encouragement:

Travel with kids gets easier the more you do it!  It is excellent family bonding and provides great memories.  There will be some whining and sibling fights and boredom - wasn't this true for you growing up?  But it doesn't take away from the positive overall experience of having concentrated family togetherness and experiencing new things together.  Happy traveling!