Summer Break Approaching

Another school year is drawing to a close!  We still have a few weeks to go, but summer break is right around the corner and I'm excited. I love how all activities go on break and life slows way down, I love the hot weather and long hours of sunshine, and I (mostly) love having all 3 kids home all day long.  My energy level is lower on school breaks, but my stress level is also a lot lower. 

The school year went well, for the most part.  I really like the kids' school and have been happy with their teachers and the school staff.  There are always going to be some challenges when your student has special needs, and we went through a number of challenges, but I was happy with the way the school handled things.  (I'm being very vague on purpose, but would be happy to talk to anyone offline in a lot more detail.  I have lots of opinions about IEPs and behavioral charts and mainstreaming and all things special ed, so if you're going through the process and want to chat, hit me up!)  Josh seems reasonably happy, considering school will probably never be his favorite thing, and we are seeing him learn and grow - those are the main things I want for any of my kids in an educational setting - so I'm happy. 

One thing that I think is worth mentioning is how VERY much a kind word can mean to the parents of a special education student.  The system is designed so that parents get tons of feedback on academic and behavioral performance.  If these are areas of struggle for your student, you're going to be getting lots of negative feedback all year long.  I do want to know how academics and behaviors are going, so that we can try to problem solve; I don't ask that every communication from the school ever reminds me of what a precious snowflake my child is;  I know teachers are busy and I don't want to add to their long list of tasks;  and I know that none of this is personal, and it's not meant as an indictment on my parenting or as a grade on my child's entire worth as a human being.

But when you're getting weekly feedback that is mainly focused on problems, it feels like an oasis in the desert when the teacher communicates that she loves having your child in her class, she finds the way he incorporates tornadoes into everything endearing, his smile is infectious - anything positive to balance the negative.  We did get positive feedback from teachers this year, and it really meant a lot.

(I'm trying to remember that this goes both ways, and that teachers and administrators hear a lot about problems, and are never thanked and encouraged enough - if you are a teacher or school staff person reading this, thank you for all you do!)

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I have two goals for the summer, and I would love input on either of these things:

1.  Read stories - I just read this great book called "The Read Aloud Family" by Sarah Mackenzie, and she strongly encourages reading chapter books aloud to your kids.  We do a lot of reading with the kids, but haven't delved much into the world of chapter books - what are your recommendations for the 5-7 year old set?

2.  Get outside a lot - I would love recommendations of family-friendly hikes in the Lake Tahoe area, and lakes with beach area that are within a 1 hour drive of northern Nevada. 

Enneagram questions

I've been learning about the Enneagram, and I have some questions for those of you who are also interested in the Enneagram.  For those who have never heard of it, the Enneagram is a personality assessment tool, kind of like Meyers Briggs.  Here is a link to the 9 personality types - you can get an idea of which personality type sounds the most like you by scanning the list.  Allegedly, all of us fall into one of these categories to describe our primary motivations and fears - you may recognize some of your traits in other types, but there is one type that is your true home base.

So here's my dilemma:  I thought for sure that I knew my type, but after listening to some podcasts about Enneagram types, now I'm waffling between two types and can see significant pieces of myself in a third type.  I'm wondering if any of the rest of you had trouble identifying your type (and how you resolved it), or if you decided that you are a split between two types (and if this, can the Enneagram still be useful to you?).

Here are the 3 types I identify with and some of the key ways in which I do and don't fit (it should be noted that these 3 types are linked on the diagram above, and this might have something to do with my confusion - these types might get easily confused).

Type 9 (The Peacemaker) -  The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent

Do fit:  This is the type I first thought I was, and this is definitely the way I have always conducted myself in friendships and relationships.  I prioritize smooth waters, and I try to avoid conflict (not just externally, but even acknowledging in my head that conflict exists).  I let the other person take the lead in big and small ways.  

Don't fit: -- Nines tend to procrastinate and not finish projects, and the "deadly sin" they gravitate towards is slothfulness - these are not really my main areas of weakness.  Also, while I act like a nine in interpersonal relationships with close adult relations, I don't act like a nine at all in other contexts.  There's probably not a ton of nines who went to law school, for example.  
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Type 6 (The Loyalist) -  The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious

Do fit:  This is how I parent and how I operate within the workplace or a group I'm committed to (such as church, a volunteer organization, the family unit).  On the positive side, I am loyal, dependable, and involved once I'm part of the group.  On the negative side, I definitely operate too often out of fear.  Also, I will defer to the leader's opinion and doubt my own thoughts.  This type ping pongs back and forth between opinions, and Kenny will tell you how often I do the "on one hand, on the other hand" routine.  This is the type I think I probably fit best into now, but it's still not a perfect fit.

Don't fit:  This type imagines worst-case scenarios and plans accordingly.  I approach special needs parenting this way, but not much of the rest of my life this way.  (Although I can Debbie Downer / wet blanket / devil's advocate with the best of them, so maybe this is a version of that characteristic of Type 6.)  Also, this type is often emotionally reactive, and I usually keep my external emotions on a tight leash.  
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Type 3 (The Achiever) - The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious

Do fit:  In school, it was VERY important to me to get the best grades, achieve athletic success, win awards, go to a good school, and anything else that was an external mark of achievement.  I did and still do care too much about what other people think of me.  This was true to a lesser extent in the workforce too - I wanted to excel at my job, win cases, and be recognized for doing good work.  

Don't fit:  Right now, as a stay at home mom, I'm completely out of the world where you're gunning for top grades and promotions and awards, and I feel very content to leave those things behind.  I have very little ambition to get back into the working world quickly and no desire to climb achievement ladders.  I do still care what people think of me, but it no longer feels so core to my identity.   (However, if / when I do get back into a school or work situation, I think the Type 3 characteristics would pop back out really quickly.)
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In summary - I feel like the way I behave under the rubric of the Enneagram is very dependent on context, and I'm not sure there's one type that is a perfect match to me.  I feel okay with this (a Nine response) and I feel skeptical that all of the billions of people in the world fit perfectly into just nine personality types (a Six response).  But the Enneagram expects you to primarily fall into one type.

So for those of you who are fellow Enneagram enthusiasts, here are my questions:

• What's your type?
• Do you feel pretty confident that you fit squarely within that type and not in any of the others?
• If yes, has that been true for you at all stages of your life and in all contexts?
• If you don't feel like you fit just one personality type, how do you use the Enneagram to help you?