I didn't think about the topic of breastfeeding at all until I was pregnant with Josh. When I started reading up on feeding a baby, I felt like breastfeeding was the one thing I definitely wanted to do in all the myriad parenting choices you make in the infant year. I stocked up on supplies, took the class, and geared up for the demanding schedule. I looked forward to the bonding and this special experience I would get to have with my son. I planned to breastfeed for exactly 12 months, no more and no less. And as happens so often in parenthood, it didn't go exactly that way with any of my three children.
Josh was born with a series of craniofacial birth defects that made it impossible for him to nurse. Renown had an awesome lactation consultant who helped me figure out the breast pump and the pumping schedule right away. And although I had a love-hate relationship with that pump, it was really a blessing to be able to contribute and be connected to my son even as he was being cared for down in the NICU. There were a LOT of added challenges with the exclusive pumping schedule and especially with doing it while living out of the Ronald McDonald House and being in and out of the hospital all day, but I am so grateful that I got to feed Josh the kind of milk that I so wanted to for his first few months of life. When he came home, probably due to a combination of factors (stress, having the wrong kind of pump for exclusive pumping, mastitis), my milk supply quickly dwindled, and we switched Joshua to formula at 4 months. This was in some ways a relief, as we were spending literally 12 hours a day feeding him (between the pumping, offering him a special bottle to prevent oral aversion, slowly tube feeding him most of it, holding him upright for to prevent aspiration, and then cleaning the pumping equipment, tube feeding equipment, and special bottle). But it also felt like a crushing blow, and not at all the way I had expected or wanted the feeding of my baby to go.
Because of this first experience, I am so grateful for the nursing journeys I got to have with my two girls. I had learned not to bring so many expectations with pregnancies #2 and #3, but I still hoped to get to do a year of breastfeeding, and hopefully not via the pump. My experiences with Zoey and Ivy were pretty similar. They were both able to nurse, and my body was able to produce, with no problems. There are always some hiccups - it hurts to get started, there were a couple rounds of mastitis, there were times when I wished I wasn't the only one who could help them get back to sleep in the middle of the night - but overall, things were very smooth. And this was SO healing for me. It was a gift to be able to have the moments of bonding and middle of the night cuddling that I had always imagined. It was a blessing to have things go so easily when I knew firsthand how hard it could be. It was awesome to nurse with barely any use of the breast pump. Because of this, I did extended breastfeeding with both of my girls - 16 months with Zoey, 24 months with Ivy (that's why i chose this topic today - Ivy just weaned this month). I didn't plan or expect to go so long with either of them, but it's special time and I'm extremely grateful for it.
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