Learning about extreme global poverty: the intro post

Recently, one of my pastors gave a sermon about his trip to Kenya.  My church, The Bridge, partners with an organization called When I Grow Up, and specifically, their project of supporting a school called Furaha in the Huruma slum of Nairobi, Kenya.  Pastor Tim told us about the extreme poverty he saw in the Huruma slum, and how this school offers hope of breaking the cycle of poverty to the families of kids who attend the school.  (This school is doing amazing work!  Check out the website to learn more.)

There are all kinds of startling statistics that can be ticked off about people living in extreme poverty, and if I'm being honest, so many of them fly over my head - but occasionally you hear a statistic, story, or description that shakes you to the core and that you know will stick with you.  The statistic that applies to the Huruma slum is:  40% of children don't live to see their 5th birthday.

How can that be??  This means that many, many kids are born healthy and then don't survive due to things that we totally take for granted in the United States - lack of clean water, food, sanitation, clothing, access to medicine and vaccines, safe housing standards, enforced child welfare laws, and i'm sure hundreds of other things.  What does that do, psychologically, to parents and kids, knowing that the odds of survival are so low and that they and their kids will be fighting to survive for their entire life?

While none of us as individuals can be the complete fixer of all the problems in the world - there is so much that can be done by individuals in wealthy countries for other individuals living in extreme poverty.  This starts with learning more about the systemic roots of the problem, and then using that knowledge to try to help in the best possible ways.  My personal knowledge about "what are the best ways to help break the cycle of extreme global poverty" is very limited, and I would like to know more.  If I had to guess at the most effective programs to support, I would list: clean water, public heath initiatives, education, and business micro-loans -- but I would like to do more reading to know if this list is on point, and if so, what is the best way to support these type of endeavors?

This isn't meant to be a guilt inducing blog post, but an explanation of the inspiration for a blog mini-series that I plan to do in the next year (or couple years - we'll see how things work out once new baby arrives!).  In this stage of my life, it's hard to do much "helping" work, even locally, because i generally need to bring the kids and spend 90% of my energy supervising the kids, and then we're no help to anyone.  But I do have some time to read and write, so this is an excellent time of life to learn and blog about issues, and then see where it goes from there.  So to start, I'm going to read and blog through the four books suggested by Pastor Tim, listed below -- and then we will see where the series goes from there.  If any of you are interested in this same topic, I would love to have you read along!

Suggested books (edited as I go with links to my book review blogs):
1.  The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns
2.  Enough:  Why World's Poorest Starve in an Age of Plenty by Roger Thurow
3.  When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett
4.  The Locust Effect by Gary Haugen

Thoughts on L&D and first few months with new baby

I'm heading into the third trimester of pregnancy number three!  This blog post is the best pieces of advice I've learned about labor and delivery, first few months with baby, and feeding the baby.  And a couple memes about what it feels like to be in your third trimester of pregnancy.

Labor and delivery 

• Birth classes - they are worth taking if you're trying to learn a particular skill (such as techniques to get through natural labor, how to breastfeed).  It is NOT worth taking a hospital based birthing class otherwise - just spend 10 minutes reading an article about the stages of labor and delivery and you'll be equally prepared.  
• Come in informed and have someone to help you advocate  - they will be throwing lots of information at you when you come in with contractions (dilated, effaced, fun words like that), and it's a lot easier to handle if you have some idea of how this all relates to you being done with the whole thing.  Whether to have a written birth plan or not is really up to your personal preference (i never did), and don't expect the hospital to honor it like a contract - it just helps keep you on track with asking for the things that are important to you.  If someone else can be with you to help advocate for you (this could be a spouse / relative / friend or a doula), that's really helpful, as you will be at capacity making it through contractions and managing pain.  
• But also, be flexible - labor and delivery is a crazy process, and sometimes, despite the best efforts of both mama and the medical team, things are going to need to happen that weren't in your plans.  You might need to get induced, or get a c-section, or other types of interventions, and this might be the thing that saves the health of you or your baby.  It's good to keep the end goal in sight:  baby comes out, and both baby and mama stay as healthy as possible through the process, however that happens.  



Happened the first two pregnancies.  Has not happened yet with #3, but i'm calling it now.

• Get the epidural!  I have tons of respect for mamas who have done their research and decided that natural birth is definitely for them, so this is not intended to dissuade that group.  But if you are like me and think, "I'll just go as long as i can and then get the epidural if i can't stand the pain"; or if you are part of a group where many people prefer natural births, but you're not feelin the Bern; or if you feel guilted into trying natural, but don't actually have positive, concrete reasons why you want that to be your birth experience -- then get the epidural.  It makes a world of difference in pain management.  And get it sooner rather than later - there are no medals given out for making it more hours into the ordeal without help.  

First few months with new baby

• Details of caring for baby -  Before Josh was born, I was worried about mastering the details of diapering and swaddling and sleep schedules - you figure that stuff out as you go - don't worry about it too much ahead of time.  Most stuff comes pretty easily (there is more to be said about feeding, so i put that in a separate section, below).  
• The thing that's hard is endurance - for a few months, you will be running on little sleep, constantly meeting physical needs, and possibly dealing with lots of crying even after meeting all of baby's needs.  This too shall pass!  It can feel really long when you're in the middle of it, but most babies get a lot easier in every way by the time they hit 3 or 4 months.  Until then, be extra kind to yourself - accept offers of help, be okay with toddler siblings watching extra TV and eating frozen pizza for dinner, let the house be messy, and know that it's a stage that will pass.  
• Baby gear - when baby first comes home, all they need is a car seat, a place to sleep, a few outfits, and a plan for diapering and feeding.  There are a million extra things you can get, but what's helpful and necessary will depend a lot on your baby's personality and your life circumstances.  With Josh, we used all the little baby containers (rock and play, swing, bumbo, pack and play) heavily - he was cool with being set down, he was delayed at sitting, and it was a great set up for his tube feeding.  With Zoey, we had all that gear and didn't use it at all - the thing she really needed was a good baby carrier because she wanted to be held 24/7 and we were out and about a lot more with an older sibling.  So with this third baby, I plan to wait and see what the baby is like before ordering any extra gear that isn't bequeathed to us via hand-me-down.  (Thank you, Amazon Prime, for making wait-and-see a much more viable option.)
• Baby clothes - Newborns are messy.  Get a couple cute outfits for things like pictures and special outings (which will very likely come in as gifts), but mostly stick to sleepers and onesies, because babies like to be comfortable, and babies get outfits dirty really fast - which is a lot easier to handle when they're wearing the $1 onesie that you can throw in the washer than if they're wearing the $40 beautiful handmade dry clean only ruffled Etsy romper.  (The window for dressing up kids is long - you've got years to put them in cute outfits, and it's so much easier once they get past the spit up / diaper blow out phase.)  
• Make friends with other moms - I never thought this would happen to me, but it happens to all of us - you will want to have people you can talk to, at length, about teething and first foods and all the other baby stuff.  It's great when you have more in common than just parenthood, and it will probably make the friendship much more sustainable in the long term, but in that first year it's helpful to have other people who are willing to have the long conversations about baby stuff that people who not in baby-land are not willing or able to do.  
• Keep friendships with others, too - In the first few months, it's all about survival, but eventually (and that's sooner rather than later) you will want to have conversations about the other things in life that matter to you - faith, politics, hobbies, etc. - and you will want your life to be about more than just baby again.  It's harder to fit in time for friends once kids are part of your life, but it's really good for everyone.  (I am LOUSY at this one, so need to take my own advice here.)  
• Mommy wars stuff - This seems to hit especially hard in the first year of baby's life.  Moms can be very judgmental towards each other (especially on the Internet / Facebook, much less so in real life).  It's puzzling because a lot of it is about stuff that doesn't matter that much (how baby is diapered, when and where baby sleeps, do you use a cover when breastfeeding in public, etc.), or is determined completely by the baby and family's circumstances (how baby is fed, whether both parents work full time, etc.).  I don't know why we feel the need to be so harsh towards each other, but it seems to come out the worst regarding parenting choices in baby's first year.  It might just be that sleep deprived, post-partum mamas feel extra sensitive and therefore are 1) more easily offended about their own choices, and 2) sometimes the response to that is to attack other ways of doing things.  As much as you can, stay away from Internet articles and Internet commenters during those first few months.  Parenting controversies continue as they get older (at preschool age, it looks like:  how much and what kind of screen time?  what are they eating?  School - how much, what kind, at what age?  And the ever present - working or stay at home parent?), but as kids get older, I feel like it's much easier to ignore advice that doesn't pertain to you, or not get offended whenever someone disagrees with you, or just understand that there are many different ways to be a good and loving parent.  So in summary, mommy wars type stuff becomes a lot more bearable after the first year - in the meantime, do everything you can to just stay away.  

Feeding
This blog post is turning into a novel, so if you're still reading, thank you for sticking with me!  The two things I would say about breastfeeding are:

1)  Of all the things about caring for a newborn baby, breastfeeding is definitely the thing with the biggest learning curve.  So if this is your feeding method of choice, I would read up or take a class or talk to other moms about the things involved.  Suggested topics to learn about ahead of time:  how to use a breast pump, gear you will need (nursing pads, lanolin, a cover, a breastfeeding pillow, etc.), where to get more support if you're having trouble in the first few days and weeks, what it feels like when you're first getting started (so you know what's normal and what's not), and what the schedule is like at first.
2)  For many, it's not going to work out to breastfeed exclusively for 12 months - between work demands, individual issues going on with baby or mom, or what's best for the family overall, you might have to use a different feeding method.  After you've carefully made this decision, let go of the guilt!  Your baby is getting fed and that is BY FAR what's most important.

My experience feeding my first two kids was extremely different.  I've written about Josh's tube feeding at length, but have never said much about exclusively pumping while caring for a medically complex infant.  That ish was HARD, and I was only able to keep it up for about 4 months.  I felt so sad and guilty when my milk supply ran out, but also extremely relieved that it was one thing off my (at the time) overly full plate.  We switched Josh to formula and fortunately he responded well, and suddenly I didn't have to find the time to be pumping and cleaning and re-assembling pump parts 8 times per day (and then doing NG tube bolus feeds 8 times per day on top of it).  Josh and I have a very close bond, and he rarely gets sick these days (even with the chromosome deletion), so many of the fears associated with switching to formula early on did not come to pass.

Zoey, on the other hand, was easy to establish with breastfeeding.  She latched well right away, she was a hearty eater and grew well, and she slept well at night, waking only a few times to eat and then going quickly back to sleep.  I didn't have to restrict my own diet to accommodate her needs, I didn't have a work schedule where I had to figure out pumping times and places, and I didn't have problems with supply.  So with Zoey, breastfeeding was everything it can be at its best and easiest:  it was a beautiful bonding time with baby, it was easier and cheaper than formula would have been, and we were able to keep it up with no trouble for 16 months.  (It's also worth noting that, while Zoey is now a very healthy almost-4 year old, she had her share of ear infections and a few respiratory sicknesses when she was a baby, so breastfeeding did not completely protect her from the germs of the world.)  Zoey's breastfeeding was a very healing experience for me (after the pain of not being able to do the one thing i was sure i was going to do as a new mom with Josh), but the two experiences combined made me realize that the way you feed your baby can go a lot of different ways, and things will probably turn out okay even if the feeding experience is not everything you had hoped and dreamed.

Kenny's book

Kenny's book comes out this week!  Here's a link to the book on Amazon.  It's available electronically and in paperback.

When I first met Kenny, one of the things that was immediately attractive to me was that he had written multiple full length novels.  He even wrote one of them while he was in law school!  And then I read them, and they were great.  He writes with wry humor, literary prose, crisp and insightful descriptions, and raw honesty.

Then we went through the medical journey with Joshua, and learned all these things about how hard it is and how it turns your faith upside down and how it can isolate you from people who haven't been through something similar - and suddenly, there's a real life story to be told, matched with Kenny's great talents as a writer.

It's hard for me to be an unbiased reviewer because this is my story too, even though it's told from a distinctly Kenny point of view - but I think this book is terrific.  What I like most is that it doesn't shy away from the hard questions and the hard emotions.  It is about finding your faith in the struggle, when there is not an immediate miracle cure.  It grapples transparently with the ups and downs of faith as you're going through something hard, and it never spouts platitudes or empty sentimentality -- but nevertheless, it depicts a deeply hopeful and redemptive faith.

Who would be interested in reading this?  Anyone who is / who is interested in:

• father's point of view on parenting
• going through a trial that affects their faith
• parenting a special needs child
• especially, parents of children who have had lots of hospital time / surgeries as a baby, or who have Pierre Robin Sequence, or who have 4Q deletion syndrome or other genetic disorders
• anyone who knows us, or knows another family who has gone through something like this, and wants to know what it feels
• anyone who likes to read well-written memoirs

I love this book and I hope it's helpful to many of you who are going through trials of your own.  Cheers to Kenny on this book release!

Rest for the Weary and Hurray for Summer

The last 6 weeks have been pretty exhausting.  Not the sleep deprived kind of exhausting, but the kind where you're experiencing too many stressful things, and eventually your body starts to feel the exhaustion spilling over from your mind.  I put most of this on Facebook, but just as a recap, here were the things that happened this last month:

• Joshua's kindergarten transition meeting 
• Several check up appts, including pulmonology and craniofacial team.
• A weight check (following a weight check 3 months ago where he had lost weight and re-inserting the feeding tube was discussed if we couldn't get him to gain some weight)
• Inguinal hernia surgery
• 20 week ultrasound / anatomy check for new baby

The great news is that every single thing went as well as it possibly could have.  The school district agreed to give us all the supportive services that we feel Joshua needs.  We made it through 6 check up appointments without needing a single new test, surgery, med, or therapy (especially when seeing the craniofacial team, this is rare, but hopefully will be the new norm!).  At his weight check, he gained 3 pounds in 3 months and got back on track with his growth chart, despite still eating a very limited range of food - the doctor was very pleased and a little dumbfounded to see this kind of gain (me too, honestly, but I think he had just taken a dip and now his growth will level back to normal).  Surgery is always a hard day, but an outpatient surgery with no complications or infections and a quick and fairly painless recovery is as good as it gets.  And the anatomy scan showed all good news with new baby, including when they took a close look at the heart, jaw, and palate.  Lots and lots to be grateful for this month.

Thank you all for your support through these things.  I'm sure you get as tired of "liking" my incessant Facebook posts as I do of writing them over and over, but the encouragement that people offer (through Facebook, emails, and texts) really goes a long way towards getting me through hard days and weeks.

This month has provided several good chances to apply the memory verse I'm learning with my small group -- "This is my command - be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  (Joshua 1:9)  But now I am in need of a different kind of verse - “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30)

Luckily, it's looking good that the next stretch of weeks will be restful.  We don't have any appointments (other than OT) on the calendar for the next few months.  The warm months are the preferred season of our whole family, and I'm looking forward to having more time to go to parks, wade in the Truckee River, spend beach mornings at Lake Tahoe, and take our hyper puppy for walks.  The kids and I will visit Nebraska for the first couple weeks of July and spend time with my family, which is always a fun and restorative time.  Reno has lots of fun festivals in the summer, so hopefully we'll be able to hit a few of those events.

The other really exciting thing is that Kenny's book is released on July 20th.  I will blog more about this sometime soon, but if you would like to pre-order a copy, here's the link.

Happy first day of summer!

Two Kids or Three?

This post is about our decision to have a third child.  I wrote this because I know that many of you are around the same age as me (shout out to my fellow '81 babies!) and might be thinking about adding a child.  Also because people are really excited to urge you to have your first and second child, and much more ambivalent about a family size of 3 or more children - and whether it's good or bad, we generally think harder before making decisions that go (somewhat) against our cultural norm.

I hesitated to write this blog because I know this kind of topic can be loaded for many:  people who have struggled to have kids, people who have lost kids, people who aren't in the life circumstances to have more kids; and for people who have faced this same decision and decided differently, for whatever reason.  If this post is hurtful to you, I'm sorry.

So, with those caveats in place, here are the things we thought about in expanding our family by one more child:

First, what made us pause in thinking about adding a third:

• Special needs - thinking about whether we can handle Joshua's needs while also handling the needs of two siblings; and what if we have another kid with the same needs or other special needs (can I do a good job taking care of both?).  
• We love our family the way it is now--  
• We already have 2 kids - our kids each have a sibling, it doesn't feel like anything is "missing" from our family.
• Zoey and Josh are best friends and you never know how adding another family member will shake up the entire dynamic of the family.  
• Life is just starting to get easier.  Do we really want to go through the baby phase again?
• Many say that the transition from 2 kids to 3 kids is when things really get crazy.  
• Fewer kids = better ability to financially provide for each individual child, both now and in the future. 
• Getting back to my career -- I've enjoyed being a stay at home mom for this stretch of time, but I also love being a lawyer and would eventually like to get back to that.  

What made us ultimately decide to go for it:

• Our 2 kids bring us great joy - so it seems like one more kid would bring even more joy.  (This was our single biggest consideration.)
• As they get older, they get more fun.  I'm not really a baby person (though I do find my own and other people's babies extremely cute), but as they get into the toddler and the kid phase, it's more and more fun to interact with them and watch their personalities emerge (and also, it's really fun to get back to sleeping through the night).
• I'm under no illusion that things don't get exponentially busier with each added child, but there are many ways in which we're already set up for family life - we already have the family car and family house, already eat most meals at home, already keep a schedule and choose activities and vacations that work for the kids, already have a house overtaken by toys - so in those ways, another child will be joining the lifestyle that we already have.   
• I grew up in a family with four kids and absolutely dug it - for the kids, I think it's usually the case that the more siblings you have, the merrier.  And while there must have been some very challenging stages for my parents, they are also happy (i think? haha) with their decision to have a big family.  
• You're making the decision for the rest of your life - 20 years down the line, when it's way past time to decide to (biologically) add to the family, how many people do we want coming home for Christmas?  How much of a support network do we want the siblings to have with each other?  How many people do we want to be part of our family for the rest of our life?  I've never met an older adult who wishes they had less kids, but you do sometimes meet older adults who would appreciate having more kids.

First picture of Baby #3!

The considerations in the "pause" list are real (and for years, made us think that we were likely done having kids), but there is an answer to each of them, and the answers look like:  we'll figure out our new normal and if necessary get the help we need; we can re-arrange the budget as needed; and there are trade-offs with every life decision you make so you need to decide what your top priorities are.  The considerations in the "go for it" list seemed like the things that in the long-term are what will matter to us the most.  And in the end, it comes down to a feeling more than a pros and cons list.

I'm looking forward to meeting Baby #3, and in the meantime, I'm enjoying my sleep!

High Risk Prenatal Care

This post talks about our odds of having another baby with a chromosome disorder and the process of high risk prenatal care.

So what are the odds that we will have another baby with 4Q deletion syndrome?  Our risk of having another baby with Joshua's same deletion is unknown (kind of) - Kenny and I have not been genetically tested, so we don't know if Joshua's disorder was inherited.  If one of us carries the same deletion, then our likelihood of passing it on with every child is 50%.  If the disorder was new with Joshua, then the chances of new baby having the deletion are the same as anyone else - so 1 in 100,000 of having a deletion on the 4th chromosome (and to get Joshua's exact deletion, probably more like 1 in 100,000,000+).  But we also have good reason to believe that the deletion was a new genetic variant in Joshua and not inherited - this is true for 86% of people with his deletion, and we have no family history on either side of the type of medical or developmental issues you typically see with a 4Q deletion.  So it's much more likely than not that the deletion was new in Joshua rather than inherited from us, and if that's true, then our other children are not at an elevated risk to have this extremely rare chromosome condition.

Now, the prenatal care -- because I am "advanced maternal age" (but still occasionally get carded when buying alcohol, so don't cry for me Argentina) and have a history of baby with chromosome disorder, my pregnancy is considered high risk.  (Thankfully, my health through pregnancy and L&D has historically been low risk and healthy, and all signs point to this pregnancy going the same way.)  When you have risk factors, you see a doctor called a maternal fetal specialist in addition to your regular OB-Gyn.  In the first trimester, the specialist talks to you about your odds of various disorders (and gives lots and lots of details about what those disorders entail) and then they offer a wide range of testing.  It's amazing where genetic testing is at these days.  If we chose to do an amniocentesis, they could do a full micro-array on a 12 week old fetus.  Even with non-invasive blood testing of the mother, they can gather a lot of information about the fetus's DNA based on the how it's interacting with the mother's DNA.

Putting aside the technology-is-amazing aspect, the testing conversation is a difficult one for me because I understand the doctor's urge for early testing is partly because they want to give you time to "exercise options" if you do have a baby with a chromosome disorder (not that all, or even most, people are thinking that way when they choose to do testing - I know planning ahead can be extremely useful).  (Also, I don't want to start an abortion debate in the comments section - I'm just expressing my feelings about my personal situation.)  When you've already got a living, breathing child with a chromosome disorder, it's hard not to then take the implication a step further and wonder what they would have advised if they saw in my first pregnancy that I was carrying a child with a fairly large deletion and a series of birth defects.  And how this focus on the defects ignores everything else that the child will turn out to be, and the joy that he will bring to his family and the world.  And it makes me feel angry and sad at the devaluing of what I know, from firsthand experience, is a beautiful, wonderful life.  So that's the first trimester.

In the second and third trimesters, they do several ultrasounds with their high tech machines (i believe the ultrasounds are 4D?) and watch for specific problems where the baby has the highest risk.  For 4Q deletion syndrome, they will be watching mainly for heart problems and craniofacial problems.  This is helpful - exactly the kind of information that I want to have from the experts who are in the best position to gather it.  But this is also terrifying - instead of enjoying the moment where you get first glimpses at your new baby, you're holding your breath, hoping they're not about to announce a defect in an organ system that will mean major surgery or incompatibility with life.

Also, what we found in my pregnancy with Zoey is that, if you're looking for a problem, you're much more likely to spot one.  With that pregnancy, the doctors were looking for a recessed jaw, and they went back and forth in 6 different ultrasounds on whether she had a recessed jaw or not (with some dabbling in low birth weight and low amniotic fluid - nothing major, but while we're looking for problems....).  It turned out that she was born perfectly healthy, but we were nervous wrecks for the last half of the pregnancy and the best that the doctor could tell us was "maybe there's a problem, maybe not".  Nevertheless, it was good to know that doctor was watching and ready, should a problem arise.

That's the process for prenatal care if there is a possibility that the baby is high risk, but otherwise the pregnancy is low risk.  I would be interested to hear other's experiences with maternal fetal specialists, especially in the case where the main thing they're watching is the health of the baby.  We are hitting the 20 week mark and the first set of ultrasounds this month, so would appreciate prayers for 1) a healthy baby and 2) peace throughout the process.

The Education Post

Josh starts kindergarten next year!  And I am a basketcase!  It's funny, because in some ways it will be much less of a transition for him than for most kids entering kindergarten - he's already had 3 full years of preschool on a half day kindergarten schedule in a public elementary school, so it will feel like more of the same as he walks into his school building next fall.  I also don't think I'll have the feelings of "how can it already be time?" because I got to work through those feelings back when he was 3.  (And let me tell you how scary it is to have your 3 year old, dwarfed by his backpack, can't verbalize what's going on in the classroom, amble down the hall for his first day of school as 11 year old 5th graders race by in the same building.)

But nevertheless this is a huge transition for him, because this is the year he moves from a special ed classroom to a mainstream classroom.  In the special ed classroom, the teachers have special ed training, activities are usually designed with accomodations for developmental delay already built in, help for "life skills" things like feeding and bathroom breaks is readily available, the student teacher ratio is in the single digits, and there are therapists and one-on-ones and nurses frequently in and out of the classroom as well.  In the mainstream classroom, all these "extras" will not be provided except as we negotiate with the school.

There are potentially lots of positives about moving Josh into mainstream: he will see the role modeling and hopefully form friendships with developmentally typical peers, and he will be asked to do more challenging activities and more independent acting during the school day.  These things can really cause growth.  It will also help us to see if there are areas where we have been underestimating what he is capable of, and if so, let him show his stuff.

At the same time, we want to provide him with enough support as he makes this transition that we are setting him up for success.  The number one thing I'm worried about with this change is the huge leap in student teacher ratio.  His current class has one adult for every 6 kids, and next year's class will have one teacher for 30+ students.  He still needs a little extra help with almost everything and it would be tremendously helpful to have another adult or two in the classroom.   The school will "wrap around" with supportive services - speech therapy (40 min/wk), occupational therapy (90 min/wk), resource (individual academic help)(90 min/wk), and accomodations for feeding and bathroom - but these things still leave most hours of most days where he will be going it alone.  The school's solution to this issue is to place him in the same class with another student who has a one-on-one aide, and  this aide can also informally keep an eye on Joshua as he needs help throughout the day.  This might work great, or it might not work well at all, but hopefully we will know within the first few weeks whether this is a sustainable set-up.

We will have his annual IEP meeting a few weeks into the school year, and that will be my chance to hear how things are going, request additional accomodations if needed (and pull out the lawyer card if the school isn't cooperating), think about a different classroom if really needed, etc.  There's another class in the district that does have many of the special ed supports listed above, and Josh would be eligible for it, but we would rather keep him at his current school, where he is thriving, and let him get to know the classmates he will spend elementary school with, rather than sending him out of zone for one year and thing bring him back a year later as a stranger to the other kids.

(I have to say, as we wade through all these options of classrooms and accomodations and services, that I am SO grateful that we are living in the United States in 2016.  I know that kids with special needs in other parts of the world do not have these kinds of options to make their education work well, and I know that parents of kids with special needs of previous generations had to fight tooth and nail for things that are now just a laundry list of options for my child.  I'm very thankful that we have so many resources in our public education system.)

We would really appreciate prayers for this whole transition:

• That between the teacher and special ed case manager and me, that we figure out the right level of accomodations so that Josh is appropriately supported, and that we can work well as a team as the school year goes on.  
• That his class has nice kids, and that he makes good friends. 
• That this informally shared one-on-one aide situation works great rather than being a total disaster.  
• That his adjustment is smooth and the new classroom is a really positive thing for Josh.  
• And finally, for the IEP meeting on Friday, where we put all these details on paper!

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Zoey turns 4 this summer, so we have also started thinking about school for her.  She will likely start kindergarten in the fall of 2017 (though with an August birthday, we have some flexibility to hold her back a year if we need to, but at this point there would be no reason to do that), so this coming year is the natural year to think about preschool.

In some ways, it's been a lot lower pressure thinking about her early childhood education, because it feels like she will probably be fine no matter what route we choose.  On the other hand, it can feel a little overwhelming choosing from the wide range of preschools out there. (Waldorf?  Montessori?  Play based or academic focused?  Christian or secular?  Homeschool?  Unschool?  etc. etc. etc.)

We toured a few preschools and did a little research, and in the end our decision was to keep her home with me for one more year.  The reasons are:  #1) she loves and prefers being at home and #2) I think the early years should mostly be about building up feelings of emotional security / love, working on moral character / manners, lots of time for free play / exploration / hands on experiences, and lots of time outside.  There are preschools that do an excellent job of all this, but they have huge wait lists and huge price tags, and meanwhile, i'm going to be stay at home next year anyway.  This means I'm really going to need to step up my arts and crafts game!  We also got some workbooks and I'm hoping to teach her the basics of writing letters, using scissors, reading readiness, etc.

It's a little funny to send our first child to three years of max schedule preschool and keep our second child at home until kindergarten, but I think it suits each of their needs and personalities best.  If anybody has tips on either of these situations, please let me know!