Ban Bossy?

I've seen several blogs lately about Sheryl Sandberg's campaign to ban bossy.  Some of them respectfully dissent (I loved this one); some of them rage against the campaign (did not care for this one).  So now I'm adding my two cents.

The reason for the "Ban Bossy" campaign is to try to encourage young females to be leaders.  I'm all for more female leaders.  My problem is with the idea that bossiness is the character trait that makes a great leader. The definition of bossy is "given to ordering people about; overly authoritative; domineering; highhanded, officious, dictational; overbearing, abrasive".  Are these the qualities we want to cultivate in our future leaders, male or female?  Even if you use the definition of bossy that the backers of the campaign probably intend - something like "assertive, opinionated, and expressive" - I question whether these are the most important traits in either being a good leader or putting yourself in the position to become a leader.

Here are the three traits I've consistently seen in the best leaders in my life (whether they were male or female):

1.  Exceptionally competent - Great leaders are really good at what they do.  Whatever it is you do, if you do it with excellence and care, you will stand out.  This may sound super obvious, but it's surprisingly rare.  If you're excellent at what you do, then you won't need to be the loudest person in the room - you will earn people's respect, promotions, etc., by doing a good job.  Teddy Roosevelt said it the best:  "Speak softly but carry a big stick."

2.  Hardworking -  Great leaders work hard, and that's often how they cultivate their exceptional competence.  This doesn't necessarily mean that the leader has to be the first one to work in the morning and the last one to leave (although it certainly can look like that) - it means that they attend to their tasks with focus and diligence; that they keep practicing a skill or working on a problem until they get it right; and they don't just show up when the spotlight is on, they put in the hours doing tedious preparation so that they can perform well in the spotlight.

3.  Relate to those they lead with kindness - Great leaders treat the people they are leading with dignity, respect, and kindness.  If there is a problem, they start with an attitude of "how can i help fix this".  They take responsibility before they lay blame.  They listen well, they give praise and encouragement frequently, and they care about the welfare of the people they are leading.  This doesn't mean that there is never conflict or never a need for correction, but it will be received better if the followers know that the leader cares about them and wants them to succeed.  A kind leader makes people want to follow him or her.

These are the qualities I think we should be seeking to cultivate in our future leaders, both boys and girls.  So how about a campaign for #competent #hardworking #kind?