On Having a Boy v. a Girl

Today's topic is my thoughts on how having a girl is different than having a boy.  Disclaimer: this is a post about my feelings on it, as there is very little difference between an infant boy and and infant girl (except that Zoey has twice as many clothes as Joshua did).  If I still have a blog in 18 years (if blogs are still a thing in 18 years), I will write another post about actual differences as opposed to projected differences. And I would love to read comments from any readers who have already raised boys and/or girls about their thoughts on the differences.

When I found out we were having a girl, I was scared about the following things:

• As a general rule, the world is tougher on women - The world puts big and sometimes contradictory expectations on women as far as body image, having a strong enough but not "too" strong personality, pursuing both career and family, and making it all look effortless.   I was scared of bringing a girl into a world that expects her to fill these big shoes.  
• What if she is nothing like me?  I'm not into traditionally girly things like tea parties, princesses, and makeup.  I wasn't sure how I was going to relate to my daughter if she turned out to be a girly girl.  
• What if she is exactly like me?  I was nervous about having a same gender child because I think it makes me the primary role model for her, and there are things about myself that I hope she doesn't emulate.  

Now that she's born and I've had a year to adjust to being the mother of a daughter, I feel more hopeful and less fearful.  Here's how I feel about those same things:

• Regarding big expectations: I see opportunities to help shape how she thinks about body image, self esteem, etc.   To steer her towards positive things (for me growing up, those things were Christ, sports, and academics) and away from negative things that will tear her down.  (Here's a great article on how to talk to your daughter about her body.)  Also, it's funny how life works out - the things you think you should be worried about are rarely the right things to be worried about.  Zoey has the kind of personality that should enable her to get along very well in the world.  She's mostly a happy, easy-going girl, but she's also great at advocating for herself if something is wrong (right now, in the form of screaming).  Joshua has a much more tender personality, so I worry more about the world hurting my son than I worry about the world hurting my daughter.
• Regarding makup and tea parties:  We'll see if she's even interested in those things.  If she is, I will learn about them.  I knew and cared very little about bridges before Joshua was born, but now I've watched documentaries on the Golden Gate Bridge, walked or driven over every bridge in Reno and Lincoln, and learned the verses to "London Bridge is Falling Down".  You learn about what your kid is interested in, and you understand that it's a passing phase and next year they will be on to something else.  (By the way, if the girliness goes beyond my abilities, then I will call in reinforcements.  I'm talking to you, Aunt Michaela, Aunt Esther, and Aunt Naomi.)
• Regarding primary role modeling:  While it's still scary, I think having a same gender child is also special - you can identify with and understand them in a more intimate way than with the opposite gender child.  I know what it's like to be a teenage girl, but not a teenage boy; I know what it's like to think about balancing career and family from a female perspective, but not from male; etc.  Which is not to say that I love Zoey more than I love Joshua - just that there will probably be many moments in the future where I can understand her challenges and triumphs better because I've been through those same sorts of things myself.  And as far as her copying things about me that I don't like?  It's good motivation to try to fix the things about myself that I don't like, and also a good reminder that we all have faults and all need grace.  

One final thought:  In the last couple generations, women hoped that their daughters would have the opportunities that they never had.  I grew up with many opportunities, with tons of encouragement, and with the idea that I could do whatever I wanted to do.  So my hope is that I can raise my daughter with the same opportunities and encouragements that I received.