Thoughts on Kids Getting Older

I saw this meme on Instagram and it made me think about a variety of things, so thought I'd do a grab bag blog on our children getting older:

• It's good advice to savor the young years; older kids do move towards independence: My kids are now ages 14, 12, and 8, and so I can now agree with the above from experience - you do see a turn as kids hit the tween years. They are more content to spend time in their room rather than be by your side at all times, more eager to connect with friends, and much less bursting to share every last thought and feeling with parents. I have a heightened appreciation with our youngest that we are in our last few years of cuddles and reading picture books and having pretend play and receiving "I love you" notes on days that are not a designated holiday. This is all right and good, kids are supposed to grow and change and develop and move towards independence, but man it is also bittersweet.
• This is one of the very best things about homeschool: Part of what the meme above refers to is the choice of kids to retreat to their friends and their room, but part of it is an acknowledgement that as school and activities and friendships and sports and work ramp up, there are fewer hours spent every year at home. A huge, huge blessing of homeschool is all the time we continue to get as a family. Even with the kids fully in the world of activities and me back to work, we still get to spend hours together every day on school, eat most meals together, and spend whatever downtime presents itself together. I am so grateful for these bonus hours in the teen years.
• How's it going mixing homeschool and work? We've now been homeschooling with me returned to practicing law half-time for a year, and I think overall it's going well. Some weeks are absolutely crazy, but balanced out over time, it's a manageable crazy. I love my job and also still really enjoy homeschooling, so that helps propel all of it along. We still do a curriculum where I'm the primary teacher, but the kids are able to do more independent work at this point.   Outside of school hours, to their joy and somewhat to my chagrin, they do get more screen time than they used to - no more 1,000 hours outside. (Although I do hope to move school back outside with the return of spring weather!) And I'm grateful to grandparents and church groups for giving me some help with child care and transportation to events. As far as whether we will continue to homeschool - it's a yearly decision. Right now it's working well; each summer, we re-examine what works best for each kid and the family as a whole. 
• It's different with special needs: The numbers in this meme are going to look very different for parents of children with special needs, and this also brings a mix of feelings. Part of the assumption in this number is that kids will do things like get a driver's license, move out, and start their own independent life. For kids with special needs, this path often looks different - there will likely be a greater level of parent-child interconnectedness into adulthood. I don't want to comment too specifically on our situation, mostly because I don't want to place any limits on what time will bring, as J continues to achieve things that I wouldn't have guessed possible in the early years.  But I am trying to mentally prepare myself that as same-aged peers are thinking about jobs and college applications and first apartments, that our path is likely going to be different on those things. I do feel a greater level of peace after watching things play out over time that whatever J's adult life looks like, it will be good. God has taken care of him and of us through so much, and I feel confident that He will continue to do so.

So those are some of my thoughts about our current stage of life! Always love to hear comments from folks.

Perfect Is The Enemy of Good: A Food Post

It must be pointed out that the foods on the right are made up of ingredients as well.

I was recently introduced to the idea that some households are "ingredients" households and some households are "snacks" households. The idea is that ingredients households only stock unprocessed foods in the kitchen - if you want something like a granola bar or a cracker, it needs to be made at home from scratch. Whereas snacks households buy things that are already pre-made and processed, ready to be eaten as soon as they're home from the store.

When I look at this picture above, we have a lot from both categories in our kitchen after a grocery trip. So what to make of that? Here's my thoughts on the "ingredients v. snacks" line of thought.

(Note that this post is meant to be an encouragement for people who try to feed themselves and their families in a fairly healthy way but do not stick to a totally pure diet. I'm not trying to attack or engage debate with those who fall outside of this group, such as those who are on a pure diet and thriving, or those for whom getting any kind of food on the table is a struggle and parsing at this level is not manageable. If this is you, I would suggest that you stop reading this post now and just keep going with what's working for you.)

Some is Better than None on both Healthy and Homemade

We eat at home most nights, and our dinners are usually a mix of made from scratch and obtained from a package. Some examples of things that come out of a package every time for us and that are regular staples in our meals, are all kinds of bread, salad dressing, and rice pilaf. These usually go alongside some kind of meat and some kind of vegetables, and those things are usually prepared from scratch.

I know that some of these things only take a few extra minutes (salad dressing), while others are more of a lifestyle commitment (bread). Either way, I've found that the reality of life with kids is that you don't have a few extra minutes. With babies and toddlers, they generally need your attention at all waking moments, which overlaps 100% with meal preparation time. Now that we have school aged kids, I'm generally squeezing dinner prep in between finishing work and transporting to youth sports events. There are no extra minutes, every short cut matters, and I'm extremely grateful for the processed shortcuts that still allow us to eat together and at home most nights. And even if I had all the time in the world, I'm grateful that I don't have to use it to churn butter, milk cows, gather eggs, and harvest my own fruits and vegetables. There are already countless hours that go to planning meals, buying food, prepping food, and cleaning up after food. Thanks be to God for every time saver in the process.

Everything in Moderation

This is something that my family growing up modeled for me and I'm extremely grateful for that. It's a lot more sustainable to eat from all categories of food in a moderate way than to put full restrictions on whole categories. Here are some of the principles my parents followed that I also try to follow:

• Eat the healthy stuff first (particularly fruits and vegetables before sugar snacks), then you won't end up eating as much of the less healthy stuff.
• It's okay if there are ups and downs with the healthiness of particular meals. Some nights it's lean meat and vegetables, other nights it's pizza. I try to mix these within the week, recognizing that the meat and veggies meal brings more health value, while the pizza brings more joy.
• Eating not at a restaurant is likely already putting you ahead of the game on health, even if every single item is processed - it's likely still lower in saturated fat, salt, and sugar, with a smaller portion size. (And eating at a restaurant sometimes is good too, it's healthy to incorporate enjoyment and celebration in life!)

• 

  Officially taller than me now!

Special Circumstances

Let me tell you what it's like to feed a teenage boy who's going through a huge growth spurt (around 8 inches / 25 pounds in the last year), but still has an extremely restricted diet due to his food aversions. He is hungry literally all the time. He goes through around 50 bananas a week, 30 each of apples and oranges, and countless strawberries and grapes. His appetite is at the peak it will ever be in his lifetime, and I can't meet his calorie requirements through fruit and peanut butter sandwiches alone. This means he also goes through quite a lot of Chips Ahoy cookies and other snacks like that, probably way more than I know :). This is what we need to do to keep him healthy and growing, even though there is no nutritional site on the planet that's going to recommend this.

I always think first of our special circumstances, but I know special food needs come in many varieties, and until you've lived in and cooked for a household like this, you can't fully appreciate the magnitude with which you embrace any food from any category that will work for your restricted eater. I am grateful for all the foods, both natural and processed, that have kept Josh on his growth trajectory.

All the Good that Comes from Eating together

If it wasn't for processed food shortcuts, many families would not be able to pull off family dinners nearly as often as they can now. The good that comes from family meals is not just the health value of the food items on the table. There is huge value in the conversation that happens over the table. The eye contact, the laughs, the sharing. It creates family bonding and allows for the expressing of love and understanding. The more we can support family dinners in a way that works for busy, modern families, the better.

Conclusion

I agree with the idea that food is medicine and I don't mean to throw all healthy eating principles under the bus. But our society can get pretty all-or-nothing with healthy eating habits, making you feel that if you don't execute things to perfection, then there's no use making any efforts towards a healthy lifestyle. I think we should approach it exactly the opposite way. Celebrate the wins! Celebrate all the healthy food that you do get prepared and all the times that you do eat together as a family. Don't let all-or-nothing thinking derail your mood or your efforts. Bon appetit!