Day 30: A Single Moment Today

I am grateful for the moment today of decorating the Christmas tree.  We put on some Christmas music, got out the ornaments, and carefully spread them across the (upper 2/3rds of the) tree (because Ivy).  Our family has a tradition where each member picks out a new ornament each year, so it's fun to reminisce about years past as we put the ornaments up.  We also have a few that are sentimental for other reasons - I have a Geo Metro ornament from my friend Katie that brings back good memories of high school, we have some homemade ornaments from Joshua's preschool years, and I have one that contains a baby picture of me.  We also have some ornaments with words like "peace" and "hope", and I am such a sucker for inspirational words.  The kids get really excited about it, which I know will not always be the case, and it's fun to do a family project together.  I'm grateful for the mix of nostalgia, holiday cheer, and anticipation that goes into decorating the Christmas tree.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Nine: A Current Song on the Radio

I am grateful for this artist (Lauren Daigle), these lyrics, and this song ("O' Lord").

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Eight: A Game

I am thankful for Minesweeper.  There was a stretch during my first year of college when I spent a LOT of time in my dorm room.  I had dislocated my knee in a track meet and was on crutches for awhile, so I stayed put as much as possible.  And then, on top of that, I somehow contracted mono.  So even when the crutches were gone, I was dorm bound for several more weeks, and feeling miserable the entire time.

You can only spend so much time sleeping, even with mono.  But when you're feeling that bad, you need something that's just engaging enough to be distracting, without requiring much physical or mental exertion.  Minesweeper was perfect for this.  During those long weeks, I spent hours each day playing this game, and it helped me get through.  My Minesweeper times were amazing, and sometimes I would fall asleep with Minesweeper playing in my head.  Once I was feeling better and able to get back out of the room, the Minesweeper playing tapered off dramatically, but I will always have a special place in my heart for this game.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Seven: A Travel Destination

That outfit tho

I'm thankful that I had the chance to visit Peru.  My youngest brother Mitchell was a foreign exchange student in Peru 10 years ago, so my family took a trip to visit him.  Our trip included both mountain time and beach time, as well as a day in Lima and a meal at a fantastic restaurant called La Mar.

My favorite part was the mountains.  I'm lucky enough to live in the Sierra Nevadas, and spent a year living in the Colorado Rockies, which are both spectacular in their own right.  But the Andes are some next level shiz.  You can't believe how high they reach, and how straight up they stand, almost like skyscrapers.  I'd never seen anything like it - so beautiful, so majestic.  It was also very interesting to see the Incan ruins (most notably Machu Picchu, but there are several in the area) and think about how older societies functioned and how surprisingly advanced they were.  (Like, a modern construction crew would have trouble figuring out the logistics of building Machu Picchu given it's remote and high altitude location, but the Incans figured it out without airplanes or excavators hundreds of years ago.)

It was interesting to get the chance to visit a culture that was so different from my own, and to try to navigate in a place where most people spoke Spanish.  These are the kind of trips that only come along a few times in a lifetime, if ever, and I'm so grateful for the experience and the memories.

Crafting with Kids for the Non-Crafter

I'm writing this post for any of you parents out there who are NOT crafty, but who nevertheless are (cautiously) (ambivalently) interested in crafting with your kids.  Words cannot describe how bad I am at constructing things with my hands.  Furthermore (and not unrelated to my huge lack of skill), I have always resented the idea that just because you're female, you'll be really eager and able to craft.  I was always jealous when, for church events, boy's night out meant a sports activity or eating junk food and girl's night meant crafting.  Even just the word "crafting" makes me cringe.  I'll stop on the hating now, as I know many of you who are my good friends love to craft and are awesome at it, and I'm not meaning to denigrate your talents (in fact, i'm mostly just jealous).

But, if you have kids, chances are good that crafting will be part of your life during the preschool and early elementary years.  I was hoping that the kids would get their fill of art projects at school, but I've got one child who would do craft projects all day long if she was allowed and who really feels loved when we do a craft together, and another child who likes crafting well enough and can really use the extra fine motor practice.  So, around once a week, we do crafts up in here.  When we were first getting started, I really could have used some guidance from someone who had started from square one (meaning, they did not already own a glue gun / have a DIY pinterest page / craft for fun in their own spare time).  So I'm giving that advice to any other non-crafty folks out there.

What supplies do you need?

One of the things that's intimidating about crafts is that you find a cute idea, and then it costs a fortune to buy all the supplies that would go into making it.  Especially for little kid crafts, you can get by with a bare bones set of supplies.  I would start with construction paper, markers, kid scissors, and glue.  You can make TONS with those basics.  Some other things I've bought to add variety are googly eyes ($1), popsicle sticks ($1), yarn ($3), pipe cleaners ($3), and glitter glue ($3).  There are other things you already have around the house that can be incorporated into craft projects (paper plates, coffee filters, straws), or trash that you can save to incorporate into projects (empty egg cartons and empty toilet paper rolls - and I DONT EVEN KNOW MYSELF ANYMORE).

There are two supplies that your kids would probably love, but that you should first take into consideration the mess and how that will work in your space:  paint and glitter.  I'm hoping we can do some outdoor painting projects this summer, but paint on carpet is just a disaster.  Ditto with glitter.  We had this sensory calm down jar with glitter that busted open, and the glitter is still in the carpet years later.  If your child *loves* sparkle (and they all do), glitter glue is the least messy way I've found to add a little bit of sparkle without it ending up in every nook and cranny of your house.


Where do you get project ideas?
Pinterest is a gold mine, but (like with everything else) it can make you feel overwhelmed in like 3 seconds.  Once you start doing projects with your kids, you will have a better idea of which projects will work and which won't, and you can pin accordingly (and then the magical algorithm will do a better job of feeding you the kind of thing you're looking for and not the crazy projects that require an advanced degree in fine arts).  If you want to keep it simple, look up "toddler crafts", even if the kid is 7 years old, even if it's you that's doing the project - if you just look up "easy crafts", the results are still sometimes overly complicated for the non-crafty.

There are kits or art projects you can buy, but for the super beginner set, I don't think is the best way.  I bought a crafting bucket from Costco for $15 which promised to contain 100 project ideas.  This was an affordable way to get a sampling of a wide variety of supplies, but many of the projects were way too complicated for my young kids.  So the Internet is the best bet for ideas.

What kind of expectations should I have?

This is our most recent project - these are turkeys.

When kids are first starting out, they will need help with everything.  They will need to have several sessions of practice cutting just to learn to cut a line.  They may need to be shown several times how to grip a marker.  They will pour 20 times more glue than needed, possibly in the wrong spot.  They will only be able to take one direction at a time.  It's a very hands on process for the adult.  Our first projects were just pieces of construction paper cut into whatever shapes they could manage, glued onto another piece of construction paper.  Now they have advanced to cutting out basic shapes and gluing them together to look like animals, or holiday decorations, or vehicles.  And then gluing on some more embellishments.  It's still super basic, but the more they practice, the better they get.

This is what the project looked like on Pinterest.

One thing that might be harder for those who actually are crafty, and is also hard for all the perfectionists among us, is that kids will do things (either accidentally or on purpose) that make the project look *way* different than the example.  At this point, it's so tempting to step in and fix it.  It's so important to remember that the kid will enjoy it more and take more pride in the final project if they get to do as much as they possibly can by themselves.  It might not look much like the example picture, or much like anything recognizable, but they will love both the process and result more if they are only given help when they absolutely need it.  So it's really helpful to choose projects that are at their level, and it's important to encourage any perfectionist children that if it doesn't look just like the example, that's what makes it creative and special.

(Also,  regarding expectations:  there is light at the end of the tunnel for those who never grow to enjoy art time! Once the kids get the hang of the basics, they will start doing some projects on their own.  Right now, our kids can draw pictures with no help from me, and create abstract pictures that involve cutting and glue with minimal help from me.)

Final advice:
Keep a sense of humor.  There will be a mess.  You will spend more time setting up and cleaning up than actually crafting.  There will be projects that turn out like the Pinterest / nailed it memes.  Remember that the goal is for your kid to create art, and in the process spend some quality time with you, and if this happens then you have succeeded spectacularly!

Are there any other non-crafty parents out there who have worked out this process?  What's your advice?

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Six: A Local Spot

I am thankful for Lake Tahoe.  I thought of writing about something more obscure, as there are lots of lesser known spots around Reno that are also super cool.  But if you're doing a 30 day thankfulness list that doesn't include your *actual* very favorite local place (and especially if that place is Lake Tahoe), then you're doing it wrong.

I'm thankful for this breathtaking blue water.  I'm grateful that my kids and I get to have the beach experience each summer, and that our beach includes the smell of pine and the view of mountains.  I'm grateful for all the trails around Tahoe that I'm hoping we will get to explore more as the kids get older.  I'm grateful for the world class ski resorts that maybe someday we'll learn to use, haha.  I'm grateful that such spectacular beauty exists in the world, and that we are lucky enough to live just a short drive away.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Five: A Silver Lining

I am grateful for the silver lining of the life lessons I learned from being cut from two sports teams.  In high school, sports was a huge part of my identity.  My best friends were my teammates, my hours after school were usually spent at some kind of practice, and my goals mostly revolved around athletic success.  I attended the biggest high school in the state of Nebraska, where we had about 700 people in each class, so each and every sports team was competitive to get a spot on.  Although I was lucky to get a spot on some of the teams, there were two try-outs where I got cut:  freshman basketball and varsity volleyball.  Making it on these teams meant a lot to me, and both times it felt devastating to get cut.  However, the experience taught me some important things:

First, in the case of freshman basketball, it taught me to take that adversity, work hard, and try again.  I played on a YMCA team that winter, did some weightlifting, and came back and made the reserve basketball team the next year.  (This is not a Michael Jordan story - i was a bench warmer and that was my one and only season of high school basketball - but it still felt great to bounce back after that first year of getting cut.)

Second, in the case of varsity volleyball, it taught me that sometimes disappointing things happen, but life goes on.  I would have loved to be on that volleyball team, but my life did not cease to exist, or even cease to be good, when I lost the spot as a team member.  I still had my friendships, I still had a great athletic outlet with track, and I had college to look forward to.  I got to experience losing something that meant a lot to me while I was still in a very protected and supportive environment, so that when I experienced hardships as an adult, I had some practice coping with difficulty.

So while it was hard to get cut from those sports teams, I'm grateful for the silver lining of lessons learned.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Four: An Opportunity

I am grateful for the opportunity to be part of a group of women who meet once a month to study a Bible verse and pray for each other.  I described our fearless leader in a previous post, but I'm also very thankful for the other women who make up the group.  It's very easy for a group of people to be fake around each other, to pretend like everything in your life is perfect, and certainly to not reveal the worries and the hurts that keep you awake at night.  It's also very easy, if problems do come out, for the conversation to turn into catty gossiping or a bitter complaining sesh.  This group achieves that rare equilibrium of people really sharing their lives with each other, and the others finding a good balance of listening and acknowledging hurt but also being positive and encouraging.  The more the environment proves to be safe and supportive, the more people are willing to share, and the more people are willing to share, the deeper the bond between everyone.  I haven't been part of many groups that work this well, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be part of this one.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Three: An Upcoming Task or Assignment

I am grateful for Joshua's upcoming genetics appointment.  We see a geneticist every few years to find out if there have been new discoveries in Joshua's diagnosis or the field of genetics in general that would cause us to seek out additional treatments for him.  Unfortunately, we haven't had the best luck in geneticists - the first one we saw missed his diagnosis entirely, and the second one didn't have any information to offer beyond what we came in with.  But this geneticist was recommended by someone in our Facebook 4Q group who saw her when she worked on the East coast, so I'm hopeful that we'll get better information from her.  I'm grateful that the science around genetics is improving all the time, so hopefully we'll have better information and options for Joshua as his life goes on.  And I'm grateful for our community of parents in the 4Q group who can provide information and emotional support to each other.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twenty Two: A Small Gesture

I am thankful when my sister texts me "3 things that happened with her that day".  It's a small thing in that it doesn't take a lot of time or money to do, but it shows me that she's thinking of me, and it helps me know what's going on in her life.  And it encourages me to text back with 3 things happening with me that day, so she can also be more connected with me.  We sometimes joke about how our days our like groundhog's day - everything is the same, nothing unusual or exciting going on most days at this stage of life - but it turns out you can almost always find 3 things that are special about a particular day.  So I'm also grateful that, as part of this practice of the texting 3 things, I become more aware of the uniqueness of each passing day.

Day 21: A Personal Gift or Ability

I am grateful for my ability to read quickly.  It's made all levels of school easier and it's made tests less anxiety producing.  It's useful when I'm employed as a lawyer.  And since I always have a stack of books on my nightstand table that looks like this, and a hold list at the library that's twice this long, it allows me to get through more of the dozens of books I want to read at any given time.  Reading is one of my great pleasures, and I'm grateful that it's always come pretty easily.

Day 20: A Personal Trait or Characteristic

This is hard.  I've started this one and then erased it several times, because it's so hard to do this one without sounding braggy or without questioning whether you fully embody that characteristic.  I'm going to guess that any women doing this exercise along with me might have trouble with this one as well.  So solidarity, sisters!  Despite my discomfort, I'm going to plow ahead.

I am grateful for my faithfulness.  This is a quality that's hugely important to me in others, and that I strive to embody myself.  What I mean by faithfulness is that you are someone others can count on, in all sorts of ways.  They can count on you to show up, to do the things you said you would do, to have your friends' and families' back, and to cling to the things that are important to you (like family, friends, and faith) even when the going gets tough. (And I should add that, from time to time, all of us will mess up in our faithfulness.  As long as you then admit your mistake, reverse course, and choose to go back to being faithful, I consider this to fall well within the realm of faithfulness.)

We chose Ivy's name in part because it means "faithfulness".  I hope to model this for her, and I hope this is something she grows up to be.  I'm grateful that my own parents modeled faithfulness, to each other and to the family and to the things that are important to them.  I'm grateful for those who have been faithful to me.  And I'm grateful for God's faithfulness.

Day 19: A Difficult Situation

I am grateful for the "difficult situation" of having a toe cramp for a week.  (For those of you who are wondering if this is what constitutes major difficulty in my life, the answer is no, but it qualifies as something that WAS a difficulty, that I'm willing to write about publicly, and that I have some reasons to be grateful about it.)  Life is really busy right now - the kids are all going through a stretch of being demanding in their own way, and it's maxing out my energy.  When I get a moment of downtime, like during Ivy's nap or when Kenny's playing with the kids in the evening, my normal habit it to make that time useful - get some chores done, get a workout in, that kind of thing.  But with the toe situation, I've chosen to take it easy this week during downtime.  I've spent more time writing blog posts and reading, things that are physically restful.  It's not easy for me for relax when there's a long list of stuff to be done, but sometimes that's exactly what your body needs you to do, so I'm grateful that this (really quite minor) physical pain forced me to slow down a bit this week and get a little extra rest.  

Day 18: A Drink

I am grateful for coffee.  Because I love it so much, I'm grateful that I do not have a refined palate for fancy coffee beans so that I can afford to support my 3 cups a day habit.  I'm grateful that coffee is so ubiquitously available, and that it pairs well with so many different kinds of food.  I'm grateful that you can go to Starbucks and treat yourself with a fancy coffee drink that changes every season.  I'm grateful that coffee can help me power through the day after nights of barely any sleep.  I'm grateful that coffee helps warm me up in the winter.  I'm grateful for the sound and smell of coffee brewing.  I'm grateful that our blue carpet hides coffee stains decently well.  I'm grateful that neither the kids nor the dog tries to beg, borrow, or steal my coffee.  Here's to you, coffee!

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Seventeen: A Dessert

I am grateful for the memory of my wedding rehearsal dinner.  Kenny and I got married in Lincoln, but because Kenny's family is from Reno and we were living in North Carolina at the time, we had people flying in from all over the country to attend the wedding.  It was really special to have so many of our nearest and dearest friends and family under the same roof.

Our meal was at the Lincoln Country Club and honestly, the only specific food item I remember is the flaming dessert.  At the time, I thought it was a little over the top, but now it's the one detail from the food menu that still sticks in my mind.  So the moral of that story is, if you want your food to be memorable, set it on fire.

All the food was delicious, the wine was flowing, the laughs were abundant, and the whole weekend was so full of happiness and promise.  I am really grateful for all the wedding memories, including our rehearsal dinner.

Special Needs Sibling

Today, Zoey got a hearing test at the ENT, and it reminded me of a topic that I've had on the back burner: special needs siblings.

Zoey was extremely excited to have her first ever appointment with a specialist provider.  This is because she's been to hundreds of Joshua's appointments, where her job is to behave and help keep him happy while all the attention and concern is focused on his needs.  As adults, we understand that doctor visits and tests and surgeries and hospitalizations are at best unpleasant and at worst incredibly painful and difficult.  But young children don't understand this - what they do understand is parental time and attention.  To them, this is a huge indicator of love, and they notice when the lion's share of time and attention is going to someone else.  It's easy for me to chalk all this up to "life's not fair", which is a lesson that I do want my kids to learn.  But in the same way that "life's not fair" doesn't usually take such an extreme form in childhood as a feeding tube and a whole host of surgeries and hospitalizations like it has for Joshua, it also doesn't usually take the form of *so* much of the parent's time and attention and the family's schedule being built around addressing a different family member's needs, as it has for Zoey.  (This is less true all the time, but was big time the dynamic when she was a baby and toddler.)

So here are some things I think she's probably learning as the special needs sibling:

• Strength - It's difficult to get a big dose of life's not fair, but it can turn you into a stronger person.  Zoey gets plenty of love and attention from lots of family members - she is by no means a neglected child - but it takes strength for a young child to handle a lot of the family's schedule and attention going to the sibling.  Special needs siblings are strong because they have to be, and sometimes that's a real bummer -- but the strength they develop will benefit them in the long run.
• Flexibility and creativity - Sometimes plans change.  Sometimes it's super boring to be at an appointment for 2 hours where most of it is spent waiting around.  Zoey has developed a hilarious exam room dance, which of course incorporates her trademark camoflauge rope, that keeps all of us entertained until the doctor walks in.  Both of the kids have had to learn creative ways to deal with boredom, which is an increasingly rare skill in our overstimulated world.   
• Compassion and empathy - As Zoey gets older, she understands more and more that it's no fun to be the one getting a shot, or an MRI, or an ER visit.  She is learning to empathize with these difficult experiences.  She has seen that Josh has a different way of eating, that he can get fixated on particular interests, that transitions are extra hard - but he's still her best friend and her favorite playmate.  I'm hoping that as she gets older, this will translate into a greater level of openness, compassion, and empathy towards people who are different from her in all sorts of different ways.  

Special needs siblings don't always get credit for the experience they go through, but their role in the family can turn them into tough cookies, kind friends, and amazing human beings.

(By the way -- the reason Zoey got a hearing test is because she is receiving speech therapy at school and hearing tests are a standard recommendation for a kid who receives speech therapy.  Her hearing tested normal.  I was hesitant to start Zoey in speech because I wasn't sure she needed it and I didn't want to add an activity to our calendar that I would have to drag her to against her will.  I was totally wrong about that second concern.  Zoey (as well as Josh) LOVES therapy.  She loves her therapist, she loves the fun activities they get to do, and she loves the individual attention she receives.  At one point, Zoey said she liked speech therapy as much as she likes going to Lake Tahoe.  I think Zoey's love of therapy is a little bit related to the main content of this post, but it's mostly about the awesome job that the therapists do of making it fun for the kids.  Now she just wants to know when she gets to start occupational therapy, haha.)

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Sixteen: A Meal

I am grateful for the memory of an anniversary trip to Santa Rosa with Kenny.  It was our last trip together before pregnancy and kids entered the picture.  We had a lovely time exploring the town and nearby vineyards, but the highlight was eating at a downtown restaurant.  We enjoyed a five course tasting menu with wine pairings and had a great conversation.  It's hard to describe because it wasn't about the exact food they served (though that was delicious) or the particular content of our conversation - it was more about the feeling of abundance and gratitude and happiness.  I'm so grateful for that meal and the memories of that trip.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Fifteen: A Breakfast Food

I am grateful for the cappuccino chocolate chip muffins they served in my law school cafe.  First, because they were unbelievably delicious.  Second, because they were an easy and affordable breakfast on the run when I didn't have time to throw something together at home before heading in to school.  Third, because they were an excellent consolation snack after a rough class.

My first class of the day during my 1L first semester was Contracts.  I thought Contracts would be boring and I was extremely wrong about that.  It's all about the promises we make to each other:  what constitutes a promise that the courts will enforce, what promises are so bad for society that we won't allow them to stand, what's the right penalty for a broken promise, things like that.  It's fascinating stuff, and a dream for a law professor trying to trip you up.  My contracts professor was a really nice guy, but still, at least once a class someone would fall into a trap via the Socratic method.  And at least a couple times (per class, per semester), you got called on to be the person answering the line of questions, and sometimes that meant you got tripped up in front of all your classmates.

Those were the days when I drowned my sorrows in a cup of coffee and a cappuccino muffin, and by the time I got through the sugary goodness, I was already feeling better.  (By the way, every once in awhile I would get called on and crush it, and on those days the muffins made an excellent celebration treat.)

Day Fourteen: A Spiritual Practice

I am grateful for the spiritual practice of scripture memory.  This is a hard one, and not one that I've always been consistent at working on, but there's such deep benefit to it.

There are two times in my life where I've memorized longer sections of Scripture.  In high school, I memorized the book of Philippians.  And when Kenny and I were newly married, we memorized the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) together.  Now I'm several years removed from both of those times, and I couldn't even attempt to try to rattle off those chapters.  BUT, i could tell you the major themes of both of those sections of the Bible.  I can tell you phrases that still stick with me, and when I read over any part of those chapters, it's very familiar, like an old friend.  If I'm trying to find a verse on a particular theme, I know what I will find in those two areas and can find things quickly.  I'm grateful that those words were once deeply in my heart and mind, and that the impact can still be felt years later.

Now, in this time of life where I can rarely finish a one sentence thought without interruption, I work on memorizing one verse at a time.  I'm in a group where we memorize a new verse every month, and think about the themes that the verse brings up.  It's encouraging to have those words of life actively going through your head, and even when the month is over and the exact wording slips from your mind, the general idea of it and the most encouraging phrases stick around.  And they return to you when you are most in need of encouragement, or want to encourage a friend, or can't get to sleep at night.  It's a way of filling your mind with helpful thoughts rather than the opposite, and I'm so grateful for it.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Thirteen: A Writing Tool

I am grateful for the ability to write on word processing software.  I'm in that generation inbetween Gen X and Millenials, where home computers were brand new and not heavily used when I was in high school, but where we used them daily in college and our professional life.

Growing up, I remember my mom taking papers to a typist (as she worked on an advanced degree) because it wasn't easy to fix errors when the final copy wasn't composed on a computer.  I remember my dad dictating letters for his secretary to type as we drove to grandparents' houses in rural Nebraska.  I hand wrote my school papers, trying not to make too many errors that would have to be scribbled out, trying to get my wording right on the first try so that I wouldn't have to rewrite the entire project.

So when I started using a word processing program to write my papers in college, I appreciated the new ability to make mistakes and easily correct them.  To write a messy first draft and extensively revise it.  To not be a perfect typist.  To save documents in the middle and then come back to them very easily.  And now, several years later, to save a document on one computer and be able to access and revise it on any other computer (or my phone!).   Word processing really improves the ease of the writing and editing process and allows for much sharper and better crafted prose, and for that I am grateful.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Twelve: A Person who Makes You Laugh

Guster concert, not the one with the singing Christmas tree

I am grateful for my college roommate Judy.  On paper (and in the initial emails we exchanged, from our AOL accounts), it looked like we couldn't be more different.  Different geography, different interests, different religious backgrounds, you name it.  But it turned out to be a great match.  We stayed as roommates / suitemates for all 4 years of college and have remained close friends ever since.

Track party at Brown / a picture's worth 1,000 words

Most of my favorite memories with Judy involve laughter.  I remember playing AIM karaoke with her, watching bad reality TV and commentating, bringing a talking Christmas tree to a Guster concert and they hooked it up to their sound system so it could sing along (!!!), Willenium sing-alongs, puppy chow making sessions, Judy making the best and funniest signs to support my track meets, and SO many happenings at Brown that, all I'm going to say is, I'm glad we didn't have access to social media in those days.

I'm so grateful for my potna, WMMFN, Judy.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Eleven: A Person You Can Call

 My mom is someone who I usually call on a weekend afternoon to shoot the breeze, but I can also call her in the middle of the night for an emergency.

She is absolutely my first call, even before Dr. Google, for all health questions for all members of the family (she is a nurse practitioner with experience in a wide variety of settings).

She's my call when I have a cooking question, or want to give or get a book recommendation, or want to share a cute thing that the kids just did.
She keeps me updated on all the happenings of my siblings and grandparents when I have not done a good job keeping in touch with them.  She's fun to talk politics with.  She's knowledgeable about healthy living and exercise.

Best of all, she's a wonderful listener and adviser (did i mention she also has a masters in counseling?).  I always know she cares about my worries, no matter how small, and that she will have my back no matter what.  And that if need be, she will be on the next flight out to Reno.  I'm so grateful for my mom.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Ten: A Person you Spent Time with Today

I'm grateful for Kenny.  Since the prompt is "a person you spent time with today", I'm going to focus on things about our normal day to day routine that make me grateful.

I'm grateful for how handsome Kenny looks when he goes off to work in the morning.  I'm grateful for how hard he works at his job and other projects to provide for our family.  I'm grateful for the smile and hugs he greets all of us with when he gets home (and I'm grateful for that moment when I'm no longer the only adult in charge of leading our three ring circus).  I'm grateful for how he brings fun and playfulness to the kids' lives.  I'm grateful that I have him to download my day with, and how he understands the ins and outs of all the personalities in our families so he really gets what makes certain moments extra nice or extra challenging.  I am so grateful that we are a good team when it comes to finances and parenting, and especially that we're on the same page with Joshua's challenges.  I like how he demands quality from our tv shows, which has expanded and sharpened my television viewing.  I like hearing his thoughts on politics, theology, and all the other things that come up for discussion.  I am so grateful to have this man to spend all my days with.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Nine: A Scripture Passage or Quote

I love a good quote, and C.S. Lewis is the king of good quotes.  I am grateful for so many of his books and perspectives.  My favorites are his quotes that remind me to keep an eternal perspective - I'll post a few of these below.  (I know it's kind of cheating to choose 3 rather than 1, but maybe it could be viewed as a 3 for 1 deal!)

The Broken Way

I just finished reading Ann Voskamp's incredible book "The Broken Way:  a daring path into the abundant life".  It was sort of a similar experience to reading another one of her books, 1,000 gifts - she's got this incredible mind and this incredible faith and she writes about the most important things in life in a profound way - but, her mind and my mind work SO differently that I need to write these blog posts as a translation from her lyrical, poetic, stream of consciousness style to my analytical, logical style, or else I can't retain any of it.

So what is this book about?  
We will all experience suffering in this life.  This is a collection of thoughts on how we can use this suffering to grow, to help each other, to lean on each other, and to experience an abundant, meaningful life.

My favorite take away points (in my words and then in an excerpt of her words):

1.  Be the helper.  Give kindness to others when they are hurting, or when they're not.  This is the way to change the world.

Voskamp quote:  "don't think that every gift of grace, every act of kindness, isn't a quake in a heart that moves another heart to give, that moves another heart to give, that grows into an avalance of grace.  Don't say this isn't what a brokenhearted world desperately needs, don't say it isn't how to change a broken world." (p. 72)

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2.  We think that "bucket list" experiences like traveling the world or having a unique experience or achieving a big personal goal is what makes life meaningful.  Not that there's anything wrong with any of these things, but real meaning comes from helping others rather than impressing others.

Voskamp quote:  "Is that what the great point of an abundant life is, that we have stories to share?  Bragging rights on the seeming abundant life?  But it's like iron in the veins.  Before you blink and your one life's a tendril of smoke, a memory, a vapor, gone, know this:  you are where you are for such a time as this - not to make an impression, but to make a difference.  We aren't here to one-up one another, but to help one another up." (p. 91)
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3.  When we go through experiences of suffering and make it out the other side, this makes us stronger.

Voskamp quote:  "without your wounds, where is your strength?" (p. 161)
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4.  Sometimes pain comes from loving someone and then they they hurt or frustrate or disappoint you.  This pain, and the continuing relationship, shows that the love is real.

Voskamp quote:  "A willingness to be inconvenienced is the ultimate proof of love" (p. 174)
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5.  One of the hardest things to do, but also one of the most important gifts you can give others, is to share the ways you are broken with them and ask them to help you through it.  For both the helper and the helped, this will deepen relationships in a way that nothing else can.

Voskamp quote:  "If you can be brave enough, vulnerable enough, humble enough, trust enough, and give the most broken shards of your heart to another believing broken heart...then is it your own broken shards that can best open up another heart?" (p. 251)
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The book was amazing, so I hope some of you decide to read it, or at least draw encouragement from her points that I summarize in this post.  I'm planning to buy the book and read it every few years, and I very rarely re-read anything (because there are just too many good books in the world and only one lifetime!).

Day Eight: A Simple Pleasure

I am grateful for the simple pleasure of taking our dog, Gus, for a walk.  I'm grateful we decided to get this dog, as I was ambivalent about adding another creature to our family during such a busy time of life, and now it's hard to imagine our family without him.

I'm grateful that his walks give me a great excuse to get outdoors and feel the sunshine on my face and smell the pine trees and sage brush on the paths near our house.  I'm grateful that he is my trusty companion as I explore some of the beautiful foothill trails on the outskirts of Reno.  I'm grateful that it's possible to get some exercise in such an enjoyable way.  I am amused by Gus's enthusiasm for smelling each and every plant and animal we encounter.

I'm grateful for the peacefulness and solitude of the time when it's just me and Gus, and I'm grateful for the way the kids and Gus all love each other when the whole family is walking together.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Seven: A Leader or Teacher

I'm grateful for my mentor / leader / friend Kim.  You often hear about the importance of a good mentor, particularly in the professional working world and in Christian circles, but I've found that it's pretty rare for these type of relationships to work well.  It's hard for the relationship to get started in the first place, and it's easy for regular meet ups to get crowded out with the busyness of life.  It's hard to find the person with whom you can be vulnerable about your weaknesses, and who will find the right balance of pushing you to grow but also giving you grace when you fail.  That's why it's such a gift to have someone like Kim in my life.

I am grateful for all the things Kim does to make her mentoring successful.  She hosts a monthly lunch for a group of us where she does all the cooking, she picks a Scripture to memorize and writes study questions to spur us on to growth, she sends out weekly emails related to what we're studying, and then she checks in with all of us individually throughout the month.  She has created a group environment that's both positive and authentic, where everyone supports each other but people don't try to pretend like they don't have struggles.

But more than what she does, I'm grateful for who she is. She is kind, grateful, and sincerely interested in everyone.  She sets her mind on the things above.  The fruits of the spirit, all of them, just flow out of her.  She is someone who has spent decades faithfully immersing herself in spiritual disciplines and it shows in the beauty of her spirit and in the way she touches so many lives in a positive way.  I will be absolutely thrilled if my character and spiritual life and impact on others is even a fraction of what hers is when I'm her age.  I'm so grateful for Kim.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Six: A Friend

Oh you fancy, huh?

I'm grateful for my friend Katie.  She was willing to befriend me at age 13, when I had just moved from a small town to the capital city and was a gangly, awkward, Pebbles-hair wearing newbie. We originally bonded as teammates on the volleyball team and track team.

But, by our junior and senior years of high school, we (and two other friends) were inseperable.  We spent countless weekend nights cruising around town in my Geo Metro, renting DVDs from Blockbuster, sipping coffee at the Mill, getting into (fairly harmless) shenanigans, and building an impressive repertoire of private jokes.

We went to college in different states, but maintained a friendship through daily e-mails (on any given day, she could tell you what my college cafeteria was serving), visits to each other's campuses, and an annual summer road trip to different Midwestern cities.

As we've transitioned into adulthood, and still never living in the same place, we've been by each other's sides for weddings, had more adventures as we meet up in Lincoln, and remained close through all the big changes of life - job transitions, moves around the country, and becoming parents. 
I'm so very grateful for Katie.  I love our shared adventures, our long history, all the laughs, and her faithfulness as a good friend.  Looking forward to many more decades of friendship!

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Five: A Family Member

Sibling bonding in Cusco, Peru

I'm grateful for my two brothers, Eric and Mitchell.  I had to choose them both at the same time, or the chosen one would lord it over the not chosen one (in the unlikely event that either of them ever reads this blog post).

I'm grateful for Eric because he provides a great foil when Duke beats UNC; because he knows all the inside scoop about Nebraska state politics; because his love of smart cars is unmatched, maybe even by Tesla employees; because I could beat him at basketball until he was a teenager and this memory will forever make me feel athletic; because he is a great dad and it's hilarious to watch him at his daughter's soccer games; and because he's a friend to everyone and i think that's awesome.

I'm grateful for Mitchell because he's always up for a debate on any topic, no matter how ridiculous; because he's endlessly curious, SO smart, and always has a good book recommendation; because he cares deeply about social justice; because he plays a killer version of "Electric Sandman" and all kinds of other fun songs on the guitar; because he's like our own family Carmen San Diego and has given us good excuses to travel around the world; because he does the stereotype of youngest child proud; and because there's no one more fun to exasperate in our family, except maybe me.

I'm grateful for my brothers and the fun and WOO they bring to our family.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Four: A Form of Movement

I am so grateful for dance, and specifically for this dance, performed by Robert and Alex on "So You Think You Can Dance" to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay.  The choreographer wrote the piece to tell the story of him helping his mom recover from a surgery, and I think it's beautiful on that level alone - one person helping another through a physical trial.

But I see something else when I watch it, something that I don't think was intended by any of the artists involved, so I hope they will forgive me for putting this spin on it.  This is such a beautiful theological picture.  There's two people limping through a broken world together - and then, in the middle, there's this vision of the way they both want things to be:  bodies strong and whole and functioning perfectly, spirits free and joyful, the two relating to each other with grace and ease and unity - and then it goes back to the two limping along together.  I think the middle part shows the perfect picture of what we all long for, and something like how we will be and how we will relate to each other in the new heavens and the new earth.  And the parts at the beginning and the end show the best ways to be in community now - that even though we're broken and life is hard and it can be an awkward struggle to go through trials together, that there's also great beauty in helping your loved ones through their struggles, and leaning on others as you go through a struggle.  That in fact, this is the most beautiful and meaningful part of this life.

I think this dance is profound and I love it and I'm so grateful for it.

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Three: Something Money Can't Buy

Zoey wrote "I love my mom" and drew a pic of my birthday party

 I am grateful for the love of my children.  Parenting stretches me to my absolute limits, but the love from the kids makes parenting the most amazing, beautiful experience. 

Josh shows his love through running to us with big hugs, through sharing his love of his favorite things with us, and through sweet cuddles during story time.  

Zoey is constantly expressing her love exuberantly through songs, words, pictures, hugs, and anything else she can think of.  Giving and receiving love is like her oxygen.  

Ivy shows her love through the way her eyes light up when you walk in the room, through clapping and crawling towards us and pats on the back when you pick her up.  

I am so grateful for these children and all these expressions of love. 

Gratitude Series 2018, Day Two: An Article of Clothing

I am grateful for holiday socks.  They are a cheery, colorful, fun item of clothing that brings me joy during the cold, dark months of November through March. 

Sometimes, holiday socks also remind me of friends.  I had a pair of St. Patrick's Day socks that reminded me of my friend Judy and our trip to Ireland during a Spring Break several years ago, but I loved them so much that I wore holes into them.  I was telling another friend, Susan, that I would have to throw my beloved St. Patrick's Day socks away, and she kindly bought me another pair.  So now I think of her when I wear my new socks, and I also think about how you can bring so much joy to your friends by simply listening to the things that are important to them and then remembering those things when the opportunity comes up to buy a gift or offer an encouraging word.

Gratitude Series 2017, Day One: A Moment of Inspiration

Last year, I started the practice of blogging about something I was thankful for every day during the month of November.  I used the prompts on a 30 day gratitude poster and found this a helpful way to think of some things that I wouldn't normally think of on a gratitude list.  So I'm going to do the same thing this November, using a new list (to the left).  I won't put most of these on Facebook because, let's be honest, I already overpost.  But I would love to have you follow along, and if any of you want to join me, publicly or privately, that would be rad!


To kick things off:  A Moment of Inspiration You're Grateful For

It inspires me whenever a person chooses to go against peer pressure and speak up for what they believe is right.  This can happen in so many contexts - school, the workplace, politics, pretty much anywhere there's a group of people who have formed a subculture with a prescribed way to act.

The specific moment I'm thinking of is when Senator John McCain made his midnight decision to vote against one of the Affordable Care Act repeals.  The Republicans have been attempting to repeal the Affordable Care Act since the last election, and this bill came closer than any of the previous attempts to succeeding.  The vote on this bill was evenly split and any additional Republican who voted against it was going to cost the party the chance to repeal.  For the Republicans, the chance to say that they repealed Obamacare would have been a big political win (and the inability to do so with a Republican majority in Congress and a Republican president is a political defeat).

Like his Republican colleagues, McCain wants to see changes to the ACA, but he felt like this particular repeal was being pushed through in the wrong way.  The bill did not get refined by going through committee, it did not receive a Congressional Budget Office score (giving a good estimate of how much money would be spent or saved with the changes in legislation).  It didn't ensure that people with pre-existing conditions would be protected.  McCain felt there was not enough information, and not assurances that this bill was going to be better than the health care laws already in place.  McCain knew he was costing his party major bragging rights and he probably faced tremendous pressure to vote with the party.  Nevertheless...he persisted :), because he felt like it was the right thing to do.  And I find that to be very inspiring.

Another notable thing about this is that, from reports, Senator McCain didn't lose friends over this decision to act on his conscience, even though it ruined a political opportunity for many of his colleagues.  I think people can put themselves in a position to be the "moment of inspiration" by choosing to act consistently with your values in the thousands of smaller moments leading up to the big moment.  I don't know that much about John McCain, and I'm sure there's "gotcha" moments in his past (like there would be for any of us), but in general I think he has earned respect from his Congressional colleagues by the way he has conducted himself during his long time in office.  That makes it easier to be the maverick, vote your conscience, but not lose all your friendships in the process.  I think this is true in other contexts, too - the more you act with integrity in life, the better positioned you will be to stand up for what's right and have people receive it well.

Stitch Fix

What you see when you first open the box

 I'm writing this blog in case there's anyone reading this who is thinking about trying Stitch Fix and wants to get a better idea of how the service works. 

What is Stitch Fix and how does it work?

Stitch Fix is an online clothing styling company.  You fill out a profile with your sizes and style preferences.  Then, they send you a box with 5 pieces that the stylist picks out for you.  You have 3 days to try it on, decide what you want to keep, and return the rest.  The cost of shipping both ways is "free" (built into the cost of the service) and they include an envelope that makes return shipping very easy. 

Is there a minimum cost?

Style Card

There is a minimum $20 styling fee, which is applied towards any purchase you make from the box.  I've received about 10 boxes and have never not found at least one thing that I really, genuinely wanted to keep (so I've never "lost" the styling fee because it's always been applied to a purchase). 

Pros and Cons:

The pros are 1) you can avoid in person shopping - anyone who has ever had the painful experience of shopping with me knows that this is a HUUUUGE plus for me, even before kids, 2) you will probably receive some pieces that you would never have picked out for yourself but you end up loving, and 3) it's pretty high quality stuff.  Stitch Fix jeans in particular are amazing. 

The only real con is that you might end up spending too much money.  You have a lot of control in this - how often you order a new box, how high or low you ask Stitch Fix to set price controls, how many pieces you choose to keep.  But I have found that when you get a box on your doorstep and it feels like Christmas opening it, and then you try the pieces on and at least some of them look great, it is *really* hard to resist buying.  (And this is coming from a person who errors WAY on the side of cheap - i can go into Target with a gift certificate and not manage to spend it all.) 

What comes in a box?

Cardigan and jeans

I'm showing my most recent box here.  Here is how the pieces looked when I tried them on, and what I decided to keep. 

First up:  1) cardigan, and 2) jeans.  When I first saw that cardigan, I thought, "No way."  It looked way too Mr. Rogers, and while I do have a total nerdy side (and I would love it if I someday have a job that, if it were a piece of clothing, looked exactly like this), it's not what I'm looking to show off ala Stitch Fix clothing.   But then I tried the cardigan on and it was so warm and comfortable, and that *almost* changed my mind, as I'm always always always cold when the temp dips below 75.  But ultimately, I just didn't think I would wear it enough, so the verdict on cardigan is Return. 

Dress

The jeans were okay, but they were a little short, fit strangely in the waist, and were too expensive to be anything less than a perfect fit.  Stitch Fix can get you a pair of jeans that will be the best fit you've ever had, so it doesn't make sense to keep them when they miss the mark, even by just a little bit.  The verdict on the jeans is also Return.

Next, i tried on the 3) dress.  I loved this one.  This is exactly the kind of piece that I hope for from Stitch Fix - something that shows a stylist thoughts about how to flatter your body type, and in a print that I wouldn't have chosen for myself but like once it's on.  Verdict:  Keep.

Casual brown shirt

Then, onto the 4) casual brown shirt.  Often Stitch Fix is great about sending a plain colored, casual shirt with some added embellishment that makes the shirt both versatile (because of the plain color) and special.  I was hoping this tie on the stomach would be that, but instead it was just odd.  It might be that my torso is too long for this shirt to work well, but it shows just a bit of tummy and not in a flattering way.  Meanwhile, it adds volume to your abdomen, which I'm not sure who's looking for that feature in a shirt, but it's not me.  Verdict:  Return.

Mixed print shirt

Lastly, I tried on the 5) mixed print shirt.  I loved this one.  I need casual fall shirts, it will work well with my chasing-young-kids lifestyle, and it's interesting how it mixes two materials.  Verdict:  Keep.

This is a pretty typical box for me.  One or two pieces that I definitely want to buy, two more that I'm on the fence about and decide based on budget and wardrobe needs, and one or two that are just total fails (but that's not bad for a stylist that knows you only through the Internet!). 

So there's my Stitch Fix preview.  If any of you want to try it and feel like doing me a solid at the same time, here's my referral code.  Thanks for reading!

In Defense of Thoughts and prayers

I've seen lots of social media push back this week on people offering "thoughts and prayers" in the wake of a tragedy, particularly regarding the shooting in Las Vegas.  And I do get these posters' frustration - they are sad to see more people suffering and they want to see action to fix things.  I share this desire for policy action - we've had two shootings this month that were close to home and i would LOVE to see gun regulations tighten up.

But, i want to offer up some push back to this thoughts and prayers push back:

1.  It is a false dichotomy to claim that posting about thoughts and prayers cannot go with taking action (whether this action is sending aid to Puerto Rico, calling your legislator about gun control, donating blood, etc.).  You can do both, and many people do.

2.  For people of faith (like myself), praying is not "doing nothing".  You may not share the same belief system, and if you don't believe in prayer then nobody is asking you to pray, but it's disrespectful to people of faith to dismiss prayers like that.  Along these same lines, please do not write that you're praying or sending prayers or anything along these lines if you're not actually praying, because i think this is also a disrespectful way to use prayer.

3.  Sending thoughts and prayers is a phrase saying that you're supporting that community.  These messages of support can add up and really bolster people who are suffering.  Just because you can't fix the situation doesn't mean you can't help someone by letting them know that you care and they are not forgotten.

4.  If you're completely unconnected to the event in any way and you still post about thoughts and prayers, and that message never directly reaches any of the victims, and that message is mostly about making you feel better - so what?!  I've seen Facebook used in a thousand worse ways than someone expressing an empathetic message towards victims of a disaster or atrocity.

36 Hours in Reno / Tahoe

Welcome to my 36 hours in Reno / Tahoe blog!  I'm lucky to have 2 sets of family visitors this month, so that's given me reason to think about how to be a tourist in my own town.  As I put this blog post together, I realize how difficult the job of a travel writer can be (and then i look back at that sentence

Tahoe stop

and laugh, because what a dream job that would be!):  you're writing for as broad an audience as possible, but vacations will look totally different based on the age, family composition, and interests of the travelers.  My recommendations here are based on things that I enjoy about my area (so casinos are not included, and outdoors are included heavily).  My sister was the most recent visitor, so many of the pictures feature her.  Here we go...

Friday Night:

When you first arrive in Reno, I would head to the downtown River Walk.  Enjoy the Truckee River and the surrounding mountains.  Once you've worked up an appetite, there are several good restaurants in the downtown and Midtown area.  I would recommend Campo, a nice Italian restaurant near the river walk.  After that, check out a fun independent bookstore nearby called Sundance Books and Music.

Truckee brunch with the babies

Saturday Morning:

Saturday is Tahoe day!  Start off the day in historic downtown Truckee.  Truckee is a small mountain town just outside of the ski resorts on the north side of Lake Tahoe.  You can grab brunch at one of several cute cafes along the main shopping strip, buy a Lake Tahoe souvenir, and dream about how you will furnish your future vacation home at Lake Tahoe.  

Saturday Afternoon:

From Truckee, proceed to Lake Tahoe.  My advice here is to go in with a rough plan of a few places that you would like to stop and see, but also to be flexible.  We had hoped to see Emerald Bay, which is arguably the most picturesque spot on the entire Lake, but which also has extremely limited parking.  It was a zoo the day we visited, so we changed our itinerary to instead visit Tahoe Dam on North Lake, and we then made a second stop at Baldwin Beach near South Lake.  All the places along Lake Tahoe are breathtakingly beautiful in their own way, and depending on the season / time of day / events happening, some places will be easier to access than others.  If you keep plans held loosely in the first place, you can enjoy whatever stop you end up making.  (If you don't want to be flexible, then you need to be early :).)

Random stop along West Tahoe

Saturday Evening:

After an eventful outdoor day, I'm usually tired and hungry, so I'm ready for a big meal close to home.  Casa Grande in Northwest Reno serves up delicious and filling Mexican food and generous margaritas in a family friendly environment.

Sunday Morning:

One of the up and coming streets in Reno is Dickerson Road.  Start the morning off with a short, beautiful hike in the Oxbow Nature Study Area, which is at the very end of Dickerson Road.  After working up an appetite, get brunch at Oxbow Cafe.  After brunch, you can check out the art galleries (if they happen to be open - hours are unpredictable!) and stroll through Sierra Water Gardens.