Time for some self-care talk!I have to be honest - I really don't care for the phrase "self-care" and I like to imagine that I'm too strong and independent to need it, but this is prideful and false. We all need it. It can be extra hard for special needs parents to find the time, resources, and childcare to do things like a weekend away - but there are plenty of things that we CAN be doing:
1. Find your community - Find the other parents who are similarly situated, whatever this means to you. It's great if you can connect with some people locally - there are sometimes special needs parent support groups through churches and disability related non-profits. Facebook is also an excellent way to connect with people who live in a different part of the country (or world). It's really hard to do this journey alone and supportive friends make a big difference.
2. Lean into your faith - The special needs journey can be very challenging to your faith, but your faith can be a huge source of hope and peace in difficult times. Remembering to pray, for your community as well as for your own sanity, is so helpful. When we go through struggles, it helps me enormously to take an eternal perspective.
3. Sense of humor - There are times where inspirational quotes and poems might speak to you, but there will be many many more times where these feel trite and annoying and what you really need is something funny and distracting. And if you're lucky, your friends from suggestion #1 can help you out with this.
5. Educate yourself... It's empowering to walk into an IEP meeting and already know your basic rights, or to have already read the draft so you're not being blindsided at the meeting. If your doctor gives you information about a diagnosis or possible treatments ahead of time, it's helpful to read up a bit so you have some idea what you're dealing with, and again, you're not blindsided. Knowledge can (sometimes) be self-care.
6. ...But don't fall too far down the Google rabbit hole. This is a tip that I am not good at following myself, but it's good to have boundaries around Google. To watch for the point when you've sunk hours pointlessly, when you're worrying yourself needlessly, when gathering information is no longer helpful and empowering to you and your child but is instead a source of more stress.
6. As much as possible, work WITH your providers and teachers and therapists. People get into the helping professions because they want to help, so I think it's good to start with the assumption that you're all on the same team trying to help your child. If you can be friendly with providers and educators, if you can be mutually supporting each other, it makes appointments and meetings so much better. (This isn't always possible and there will be difficulties, but that's all the more reason to keep good relations with those who are working hard for your kid.)
7. When people offer help, say yes. We've been lucky to have great family support with babysitting, and church support with things like meals. It can feel awkward to accept help, and even more so to ask for help. But if you are given the choice, don't carry it all on your own. And if people give a general offer to help, think of what would actually be most helpful to you - respite? A meal? Help with a household chore? Transporting siblings to their activities? - and then don't be afraid to name that request.
What would you add to this list?
