Thankfulness in the Ordinary

It's Thanksgiving month, the time when I always try to do a post on gratitude. The last couple years, I've done posts about thankfulness through hardship. This year, I want to do one about thankfulness through the ordinary days of life. I always do this kind of blog mostly because it's something I need to work on, and writing it all out transforms it from a jumble in my mind into more of a coherent path forward - but I always love to hear from friends their thoughts on these ideas. 

The thing that got me thinking about thankfulness in the ordinary is this:  I was having a conversation with Josh about Antarctica, so relatedly I did a Google search about Antarctica. This caused me to learn about an ultra-luxury hotel in Antarctica called White Desert's Whichaway Camp, where, for $16,500 per day, you can enjoy luxury accommodations and gourmet meals deep in the heart of Antarctica. Now, it's never particularly been a dream of mine to go spend time at the coldest place on earth, nor is it remotely in my price range to spend 16K per day doing so - but when you learn that this is an option that exists on earth, one that people who are able to gladly pay that price to attend, suddenly it *becomes* a thing you want to do. And there are a zillion things like this if you spend enough time on Internet and TV and let the ads wash over you - things that would have never even crossed your mind as possibilities, let alone wants or needs, but now they can be in the backburner of your mind as things that could be had. (FYI This is far from the worst place my mind goes when I'm being ungrateful, but it's one I'm willing to share with any reader who may stumble across it :).

This is a funny example because it's so absurdly out of reach for almost all of us, but more affordable and attainable things work the same way. Seeing the friend's vacation on Instagram, the nice new car driving in front of you, the ad for house remodels. And it's not just stuff - people's families, relationships, social lives, and career accomplishments as presented on the Internet can remind you of all the ways you feel you are lacking. 

So what is to be done about this? 

• Think about the things that actually make you happy. As I mentioned in the example above, going to a remote, dark, below-freezing place is not the kind of thing that brings me happiness. The things that bring me momentary pleasure are much simpler - spending time with my family, reading a great book, eating a great meal, being in nature, or going for a run. And the things that give me longer term joy and satisfaction are my community of people, having a job with purpose, and having a faith / faith community that bring me hope. I think it's useful to think about what things actually bring you happiness and then examine how much the things lurking in your mind do or don't map onto that. 
• Actively practice gratitude for those things. Once you've identified the things you're grateful for, it takes some work to keep turning your mind towards all the good that's already in your life. I try to do a gratitude blog series every year not because I'm so awesome at this, but because I need so much reminding to be grateful. Things like gratitude journals or prayers of thanks - some kind of practice where you're regularly, actively listing out things you're thankful for - can help re-orient your heart toward the good.
• Remind yourself that the Internet is people's highlight reel. To the extent that discontent is coming from the Internet or TV, it can be useful to remember that the Internet is people's highlight reel and/or people's platform to try to sell you stuff. They are not showing all the boring, messed up, less than parts of their day, but we all have plenty of these moments. 
• Thank God for all the spiritual blessings you receive and ask Him for help in growing your heart in gratitude. I did a blog post a few years ago that gives more specific ideas on this, but remembering how God loves us, God saves us, God is always with us can be a great help in feeling gratitude even in difficult seasons. And on the days when we can't get to a perspective of gratitude on our own, we can pray for help in that.
• Realizing that we have a choice in what perspective we take in any situation. We can spend our life seeing the problems, finding ways that things fall short, on the cynical and pessimistic side of the fence regarding people's intentions towards us, and seeing how the glass is half empty. OR, given the exact same circumstances, we can choose to see all the ways things went right, all the things that have undeservedly fallen in our favor, taking the hermeneutic of generosity towards people, and seeing how the glass is half full. In most of life, most of dealing with people and circumstances, there's going to be a mix of good and bad. And at the end of the day, after working through all of it, there's a choice to dwell more on the good or more on the bad. When I think about the people I most like to be around, when I think about who I want to be, it's definitely the person taking the grateful perspective. 

Those are my thoughts on thankfulness in the ordinary - I would love to hear your ideas!

Day 30: About Your Children

 

What a sweet way to end this month of thankfuls! 

I am thankful for Josh's sense of humor. He has a very dry and sarcastic wit, like his dad, and he's using it more and more to riff in conversations and come up with alternative names for me. He always joins in on a laugh, loves funny movies, is a big time fan of Calvin and Hobbes, and sometimes will even laugh in his sleep. I'm grateful for how this shows the fun and joy in his personality.

I am thankful for Zoey's creativity and intellect as expressed through her writing. Like her mom, Zoey tends to be on the quieter side in social situations, and so people are often blown away by how much is going on in her mind when she has the chance to express it through writing - whether that is a poem for nature group, a letter to a friend or family member, a Power Point for school, or a short story composed for fun. Zoey has a great way with words and I'm grateful that has been an effective way for her to use her voice.

I am thankful for Ivy's competitive spirit. I'm thankful for how it leads her to come up with clever trades and use persuasive tactics in Catan; for how it helps her be brave and persevering in gymnastics; and for the look she gets in her eye when she's about to race anyone. I'm thankful for the juxtaposition of this competitiveness with her very sweet and kind nature, and look forward to seeing how these qualities mesh as she grows older.

Finally, I am thankful for these three as a group - I'm thankful for their sibling bond and I hope they continue to be close friends and supporters of each other as they grow into adulthood. I'm thankful that they have each other through the ups and downs of life and I'm thankful for the way that siblings can potentially be lifelong friends.

Day 29: About Your Pet

I didn't plan ahead very well on this one, as I've already written about our dog Bear earlier this month. So instead, I'm going to write a post of gratitude for how many animals my parents were willing to let us take on growing up. We always had one or two dogs, one of which was always a miniature schnauzer. Like pugs, these dogs are very loyal companions and good cuddle buddies. We often had a bird and sometimes had fish. And for a stretch of a year or two, we had hamsters. (Shout out to my mom for letting this continue even as the hamster would escape its cage and end up crawling around in their bed.)

I think pets are wonderful for kids. They provide companionship, teach responsibility and some of the early lessons about life and death, and supply some hilarious moments and favorite memories. I'm grateful to my parents for being such good sports in this realm. 

Day 28: About your Community

I am grateful for our homeschool community. One thing I was really unsure about in starting the homeschool journey was the question of socialization / friendship. I knew our kids would have each other, and that they would see cousins, teammates, and church friends - but that's not exactly the same as knowing a whole community of families who are going down the same educational path. Thankfully, over our four years of homeschooling (and thanks in large part to two wonderful moms who are always organizing and leading new ventures), we have been able to form that community. We've joined other homeschoolers for nature group, art group, Shakespeare group, and literary society; we've participated in field trips, park days, and back yard hang-outs; and we've been lucky to make some really good friends. I'm thankful to the families who are our homeschool besties. 

Day 27: About your Job

The main thing I'm grateful for about my job is the kids I get to form relationships with and the chance to try to guide their case towards the best possible outcome; additionally, I'm grateful for this, this, this, and this. 

But one not insignificant thing I don't think I've written about before is that I'm grateful for the work-life balance provided by this job. It helps that I'm part time (which is both a blessing and a curse, something I'll write about at a future time), but one of the huge huge benefits of non-profit legal work is that you can have a real, full caseload, makes a real life difference practice that is also usually contained to Monday through Friday 8-5 (and for me, about half of that contained within those hours). It's not never that I have to work nights and weekends, but it's exceedingly rare and it's usually because I've used the regular work hours towards something other than work. My job is an important part of my life, but it's not my whole life - and that's not the case for all lawyers. I'm grateful to be able to do the work I do and still have a meaningful amount of hours off the clock. 

Day 26: Who In Your Life

 

I am grateful for my sister. I'm super grateful for who she is as a person, but for today, I want to focus on the specialness of the sibling / sister relationship in general. I am grateful for the almost entire lifetime of shared history we have - shared family past, shared secret jokes, shared moves, shared clothes; shared family / life stages, shared faith, shared interests in reading, shared things we find hilarious. There is a way she understands me and I understand her that no one else will be able to ever touch, which is such a special thing. I'm so grateful to have a sister, to have THIS sister.

Day 25: About Nature

 

I am grateful for clouds. I am grateful for how much drama they bring into a moment. I'm grateful for how you can imagine shapes into puffy cumulus clouds. I'm grateful for the reminder of God's power in a huge wall cloud moving over the Midwest prairie. On road trips, my kids will sometimes try to give the sky Myers-Briggs personality types, and I'm grateful that clouds give the sky so much personality that this is a plausible game.