Devotional Recommendations

With the New Year approaching quickly, I wanted to put up a blog post with some recommended devotionals that I've read through in the last several years, since this is a good week to put in an order for a new daily devotional book and have it ready to go when the calendar turns over.  There is quite a variety in this little group, so I'll put up a little synopsis and link to more information on each one.  All of them were manageable on a daily basis and helpful to spiritual growth in their own way, but depending on your personality type, you will probably lean more towards one then the others.  (I'm an Enneagram 9, so can meld myself into the type of personality that is able to receive each of these different books, haha!)

"Savor:  Living Abundantly Where you Are, As You Are" by Shauna Niequist

The pros: Shauna Niequist has a wonderful sense of God's abundance, His grand redemptive plan, and the gospel and our lives as an interwoven story. On the days where she chooses these kind of topics, she totally nails it and is SO encouraging. I texted these to my friends more than any other devotional I've read in the last 5 years.

The cons:  There were many days (i would say 20-30% of the book) where it felt like "good advice on living" rather than digging into the Bible or connecting with God. Which would have been fine, if it was marketed as Christian living rather than a devotional. But because it was supposed to be a devotional, I felt frustrated on the days where it felt like it was more about how to be a good hostess rather than how to connect with God. There's nothing unorthodox in here, but some of the days felt off topic.

Other:  The tone of this book is very casual and conversational - I don't consider this to be a pro or con, just extra information for your consideration.  



"The Songs of Jesus:  A Year of Daily Devotions in the Psalms" by Tim Keller

The pros:  The Psalms are such a rich, moving, beautiful book of the Bible, that you could get a TON out of just reading them on their own for a year.  Keller's insights and applications take this already rich book and add to it.  I loved learning more about the wide range of emotions and situations that the Psalms cover. 

The cons:  Tim Keller is my favorite modern Christian author, so it's really hard to find anything bad to say about him.  I felt like sometimes the devotionals were a little heavy on logic and analytics and short on emotion for discussion of such a poetic book of the Bible (though this is a big part of what I enjoy about Keller's style, so it's hypocritical of me to hate on it). 

Other:  Tim Keller also has a devotional on the Proverbs, which is what I'm planning to read for 2019. 

"Jesus Calling:  Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young

The pros:  This is a great book for reminders of all the positive promises Jesus gives us - of things like love, peace, and hope.  This would be a great one to read when you're going through a hard time and you 're seeking comfort and strength through the promises in the Bible. 

The cons:  The style of this book is not my favorite.  It's presented as Jesus writing you letters each day.  This initially rubbed me the wrong way, though I got used to it pretty quickly (and I know others who really enjoy this style). 

Other:  This is the most commercially popular book on this list, at least in recent years.  If you're looking for a book that you can find at any bookstore with a religion section, or a book that you might be able to discuss with others who have also read it, this is probably the best choice. 

"Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon
The pros:  This one is a classic devotional, and for good reason.  It's got tons of good theology, biblical analysis, and practical application packed into one page of text per day.  It's encouraging and inspiring, challenging and thought-provoking, and covers a really wide range of the Christian experience. 

The cons:  This is kind of unfair because there are lots of ways to manage this, but I didn't like how there were 2 devotional readings assigned to each day rather than one.  (The idea being that you would read one in the morning and one in the evening, hence the title.)  I couldn't sustain doing two different reading times each day, and I also couldn't mentally handle reading just one and ignoring the other, so I read both each morning, and consequently felt like I got less out of each day than I would've with a really focused reading of just one.  If I could start over, I would make this a 2-year book and read just one per day.

Other:  This has the most formal language.

What daily devotionals have you read that you loved?  Please recommend in the comments!

Advent post 2018: Already, Not Yet

I love the Advent season.  I love the way it pulls together darkness and light, weariness and new hope, waiting and the fulfillment of promises.  I love the way it acknowledges the difficulties of life, from the daily grind to profound suffering, and it meets us in our struggles and breathes life into the pain. 

The struggle in my life right now is weariness.  There is so much to get done in the running of a household with 3 young kids.  There's so much patience, attention, humor, energy, creativity, and oh yes, food preparation needed each day.  There's also all the special needs stuff.  I love my family dearly and consider my husband and children to be the greatest blessings in my life, but man, I am failing them all the time.  They could all use more and better from me, and I just don't have any more to give.  I don't mean to turn this into a pity party - they all know that they are loved and we have many happy moments.  But I wish I was never short and/or anxious with any of them, never chose to scroll Facebook over giving them my full attention, and never felt too depleted to give any of them my full and best self.  (This is not the highlight reel that I put on social media. :).)

I'm very lucky that these are my struggles right now.  I have a few friends who have lost children this year, others who have lost parents, and others who have lost relationships.  I know the holidays are a fresh reminder of the loss, and my heart goes out to all of you.

I made a promise to myself not to make this post political, but we can all think of situations in our country and in the world where there is gross suffering and injustice.  Advent speaks to these situations as well.

Advent meets our personal pain, and the suffering of the world, with the answer of "already, not yet".

The "already" part we celebrate is that God came to earth as a baby.  This brings hope to all the pain and darkness and difficulty on earth, because it gives us a tangible reason to believe that it won't be like this forever.  Jesus already came down to earth, fulfilled a bunch of historical promises, and lived a life, death, and resurrection that changes everything and gives us hope beyond what we see in the here and now.  We can ground our hope in this "already".

The "not yet" part that we celebrate is that the life we live now, which still has suffering and brokenness and world injustice and our own constant messing up, is not how things will always be.  Part of what we look to during Advent is the second coming of Christ, which is when every tear will be wiped away.  The sadness and diagnoses and losses will end.  I will no longer fall short for the people I love most.  Injustice will be righted.

Whatever you're going through this year, whatever is bringing your heart pain, I hope that the great hope of Advent meets you where you are and brings you hope and light.

Day 30: For this challenge because...

I am grateful for this challenge because of the depth of questions on this list (see Day 1 for the full list).  I've done this 30 day gratitude challenge for the past 3 years and it's always helpful to spend an extended time reflecting on all the blessings in your life.  But this particular list focused more on intangible things than the past lists, and even on some challenges.  It caused me to remember people and events that go way back in time, and to reframe certain difficult memories through a lens of gratitude.  I'm hoping that this mental stretching in what constitutes a blessing will be helpful to me in having gratitude towards a wider range of things in my life going forward.  I'm hoping that I will more often think of the people in my life, or situations that are challenging, or regular parts of my life that I just don't give much thought to one way or the other, and see the rich amount of goodness that can be found in all of it if I just bother to look.  I'm grateful that this challenge has helped me grow in this way. 

Day 29: The Inspiration of..

I am thankful for the inspiration of the Obamas.  I listened to two podcasts this week that interviewed each of them (David Axelrod interviewed President Obama, Oprah interviewed Michelle Obama)(and for the record, i almost always listen to David Axelrod's podcast and almost never listen to Oprah's, but that's the subject of a different conversation), and it was inspiring to hear from both of them.  Listening to the interview with President Obama, it was so inspiring to hear someone with such intelligence, humor, grace, and poise speak.  It was good to hear a former president draw on the positive things about our country and our shared humanity, rather than tapping into messages of fear.  It was heartening to remember that our presidential leadership has not always been the way it currently is, and will not always be this way.  Though I disagree with President Obama on some of his policy and political positions,  I respect that he comes to his positions thoughtfully, intelligently, and compassionately.  I deeply admire the way he held the office with dignity and without scandal.  Listening to the interview with Michelle Obama, I had several of the same thoughts - I also admire her intelligence, humor, grace, and poise.  I admire the way she is real, but also so impressive.  It's exciting to think about what both of them might do with their lives to inspire and improve the country in the next several decades, and I'm very grateful for their leadership and example. 

Day 28: I am Thankful for the Help of...

I am so thankful for the help of my mother-in-law, Betty.  She's always finding new ways to help us, big and small, and I don't know how I'd manage without her.  She comes over once a week to help with the kids, and often helps out with babysitting on top of that.  She is frequently our dogsitter for Gus.  She hosts the holiday meals and leads the way on birthday meals as well.  She's gone above and beyond even when we needed help out of town, like traveling with me for Joshua's surgeries in Utah and staying with us for awhile when Zoey was born in Virginia.  I know that I can always count on her and that she's always thinking of ways to be helpful before we even ask, and I'm so grateful for her. 

Day 27: What Makes Home so Sweet for Me

Today I'm doing something that's a little bit of a cheat, but I'm reading a devotional called "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon, and he wrote a paragraph that nails it about what makes home so sweet.  I'm grateful for everything he writes, and I'm grateful for all the other insights in his great book.  Without further ado, here are his words:  

Day 26: All of the People I am Happy to Have Met...

I am thankful for the Americorps volunteers I met while living in Alamosa, Colorado.  I saw a show recently that cleverly pointed out how no one wants to hear someone go on and on about how meaningful their brief stint of volunteering was, especially when that person started and ended in a life of total privilege.  So I will try to keep that in mind as I write this post :).

The year in Alamosa WAS very meaningful to me and it did teach me a ton of things about working with people living in poverty.  But one of the best things about the year was the friendships made with the other volunteers.  We came from all over the world, ranged in age from fresh out of high school to retired, had different religious and political leanings, and there were some wildly divergent personalities.  But we all somehow ended up in this small town in the beautiful San Luis Valley of southern Colorado, all with the common goal that we wanted to spend the year serving in this nonprofit to fight rural poverty.  We lived together, worked together, and socialized together.  We camped, hiked, snowshoed, and hit every hot spring we could find.  We ate thousands of meals together.  We also spent lots of bored hours together, since our house didn't have cable / Netflix / Internet reception / any of the other devices that allow people to retreat to their own rooms and zone out, and since our town of 10,000 people didn't have a lot of nightlife options.  It was way more intense even than the college dorm experience.  So even though we were only together for 365 days and then we spread back out to our different corners of the world and our different lives, the experience led to deep friendships while we were there, and memories that will last our entire lifetimes.  I'm grateful for so many things about this year, but right at the top of the list is all the people pictured above (and a few more who didn't make the picture). 

Day 25: So far this year

Cleft palate repair at CHKD

I am thankful that, so far this year, we have had zero surgeries and zero emergency room visits.  Our first year as parents was spent with many, many weeks in hospital rooms.  Josh has had fifteen total surgeries.  This is our first calendar year since we became parents that we haven't had a pediatric surgery. 

I haven't kept as close of track on emergency room visits, but I think this might also be the first calendar year since becoming parents where we haven't had cause to visit a children's emergency room. 

Yosemite!

I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know if this is just a calm year in an ongoing storm, or if we've finally turned the corner toward a more permanent state of good health.  The special needs journey is full of surprises.  But I'm profoundly grateful that we've had such a good year with virtually no health problems.  It means we get to enjoy more moments like the one pictured to the right.  It means we all get to have more laughter and less stress.  I'm so grateful that God has brought us safely through so many health problems, and I'm so grateful for a calm, healthy year. 
. 

Day 24: I am Thankful I Pushed Myself When I...

I'm thankful I pushed myself each of the three times I've run a half marathon.  I'm not really a runner, at least not in the same sense as those people who have built running in as a regular part of their adult life.  One one hand, I'm an ex-athlete who used to work out rigorously 6 times per week in high school and college.  On the other hand, I didn't do more than walk for workouts during each of my three pregnancy and post-partum years.  But there are three times in my adult life where I've managed to squeeze in 6 months of intensive running, enough to complete a half marathon each time.  I'm grateful that I pushed myself to do this because it feels really good, physically and mentally, to be in peak physical shape; because it gives you a good baseline of fitness even as you ramp down from the race training schedule; and because it feels like an accomplishment to run 13 miles in a row.  But most of all, I'm grateful to have done it because you realize that, while physical conditioning helps, a lot of the battle in completing endurance races is mental - and this is so much like life.  I think practicing and building mental fortitude under these artificial circumstances helps you with mental fortitude needed for other things in life that are way more important, and I'm grateful for the chance to build up mental strength. 

(Fun fact:  I'm hoping to do another half here in Reno in May.  The small handful of you who are reading these thankful posts can keep me accountable!)

Day 23: A Past Mistake

Whew, this list of thankfuls includes a lot of heavy topics!  I'm thankful today for the past mistake that taught me how important it is to tell the truth.  By nature, I'm a people pleaser.  It's always easier for me to tell people what they want to hear, or what will make the moment easier, or what will spare someone's feelings.  This isn't always bad - it's good to use tact, to refrain from saying needlessly hurtful things, and to encourage and build people up when the thing you're saying is true. 

But it IS bad when you justify lying, which can be a big or small lie, a lie of omission, or a lie that allows a false implication to stand.  The past mistake I'm specifically thinking of is when I broke up with a boyfriend and said it was because of an issue that we disagreed about.  It was true that we disagreed about this issue, and that the issue was important to me - but there were dozens of reasons to break up, and this wasn't the main thing - it just seemed like the least hurtful way to end it.  The problem was, I started dating someone a few months later who also disagreed with me about this same issue.  The first boyfriend found out about it and it led to a nasty interaction between the two of us (which I fully deserved) and more hurt feelings for both of us. 

I'm grateful for this because, as much as I wish it wouldn't have happened, it's a reference point in my head every time I'm tempted to take the easy but not fully true way out of a hard conversation.  It reminds me that half truths are also half lies and will likely come back to bite me and hurt the other person in the long run. 

Day 22: A Book or Movie...

I am grateful for the book "Station Eleven" by Emily St. John Mandel.  Usually when I write about a book, I think about non-fiction books that have taught me something about Christianity or social justice.  But the bulk of books I read are fiction - some are literary, some are page-turners, some expand your imagination, some teach you about a perspective different than your own, and some keep you guessing about plot until the end.  This one does a little bit of all of that.  It was such a pleasure to read, and so unlike anything I've read before.  It's a hopeful dystopia, a defense of the arts, a gripping tale of disease taking down the world, and a story about how people rebuild and find connection and create beauty out of unprecedented disaster.  I am so grateful for the creative mind that came up with this idea, the writing skill she employed in putting it to paper, and the reminder of why fiction is so great. 

Day 21: I Have Grown in these ways

When I first saw this prompt yesterday, my thought process went something like this:  First thought - "I haven't grown in any ways" (the classic female underselling of self); second thought - "C'mon, think harder"; third thought, "I've probably grown less selfish with raising kids, so I think I'll write about that."

So I'm all set to write about what a selfless saint I've grown into, and then we had a morning where everyone seemed to have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed.  Leading the pack in grumpiness and impatience was me.  And with that kind of morning, I can't in good conscience write about how kids have made me so selfless.  They've made me more *aware* of my selfishness.  They occasionally allow me to entertain the illusion that I've grown less selfish, like if all the stars align and I get 8-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep and then I have a little extra patience and love to spare. 

So if I haven't grown (much) in selflessness, then how am I answering the prompt for the day?  I think I've grown in the belief that God's mercies are new every morning.  As the days of my life march on, and as the demands grow and my own capacity to handle every person and every situation well falls short, I realize how weak I am and how much I need new mercies with every passing morning.  I believe that they're there, and I'm so profoundly grateful for it.   

P.S.  An area where I've grown in only the tiniest ways and I hope to grow in enormous ways is to trust God with control of my children's lives.  Here's a great podcast about what that looks like.

Day 20: A person in my past and why

I am grateful for my college track coach.  She was good at her job in the sense that she knew how to recruit, she stayed on top of the newest techniques in jumps coaching, and she was organized.  But the really important thing was that she cared about all of her athletes.  She cared about our athletic performance, but she also cared about supporting our academics and nurturing and growing us as human beings. 

Like many people, college was my first time living away from home.  Moving 1400 miles away to a college and a region of the country that was radically different from my hometown was a culture shock, and it was good to have an adult on campus who you knew you could count on if you needed anything.  There was one meet in my freshmen year where I unexpectedly dislocated my knee.  It was a memorable day in many ways - first time on a military campus (the meet was at West Point), first and only time winning a college track meet, and first time riding in an ambulance.  My coach left the meet in the middle, rode with me in the ambulance, got in touch with my parents, and comforted me as it looked like I was going to need knee surgery (i didn't).  I'm grateful that she helped me get through a scary experience.

I'm also grateful that she gave attention and care to all the jumpers on the team, not just the stars.  The Ivy League has an unusual spread of athletes.  They can't offer athletic scholarships and they maintain rigorous academic admission standards, so this thins out the pool of potential team members and means that some of us would be better suited for a small Division 3 school (i was definitely in this group).  But because they are Division I and provide an excellent education, there's always some exceptional athletes and sometimes even a few members of the team who are future Olympians.  In this situation, where you have a very broad range of talent, it would be very tempting to focus all your time and energy on the star athletes.  Our coach was good at finding ways to develop and encourage all of us, and made all of us feel valued.  I am very grateful for that. 

Day 19: In Nature

I'm grateful for the beauty of the four seasons as reflected in the leaves on trees.  I'm grateful how each season has it's own unique feel and energy.  I'm grateful for how this reflects truths about the nature of our own life:  it's a beautiful image of an entire human lifespan, but it's also a nice picture of cycles we go through within our life.  There are many things you do for just a stretch of time - go to school, raise children, work at a certain job, have a particular close group of friends - that also looks like these leaves, going through distinct seasons.  In hardship I think about winter trees, and how a time that feels dead and impossibly hard might be the springboard for new beginnings, as winter gives way to spring growth.  In autumn, I think about the mature beauty of the colorful leaves and hope my life looks like these trees as I grow older.  I'm thankful for all the lessons in the leaves!

Day 18: This piece of technology

I am grateful for the technology of streaming television (particularly Netflix, but also including Hulu and Amazon).  Being an #eldermillenial, I am old enough to have grown up with Saturday morning cartoons, Friday night family friendly sitcoms, and looooong stretches of time where there was nothing on TV that you wanted to watch.  The idea that someday you could choose from thousands of options, on demand, with no commercials, would have seemed more impossibly pie-in-the-sky Jetson-esque than flying cars.  The idea that you could get through a whole television series in a month, rather than waiting weeks and sometimes months for the next episode, also would've been hard to wrap my mind around.  I am grateful for how convenient television has become.  And that's just with me as the viewer!  I'm also super grateful for this technology as a parent!!  Need 20 minutes to get dinner on the table?  Boom, Sofia the First starts on demand!  But also don't want your kid to get bombarded with commercials about sugar cereals and the latest toy they need to have?  Boom, no commercials!  I am grateful for you, streaming television services.

Day 17: Tell someone what you appreciate

I'm going to count this one as a free day to choose your own thankfulness topic, since all of these are going on my blog and are being shared with anyone who cares to read them.  Today, I am thankful for the breastfeeding journey that I got to have with each of my children

I didn't think about the topic of breastfeeding at all until I was pregnant with Josh.  When I started reading up on feeding a baby, I felt like breastfeeding was the one thing I definitely wanted to do in all the myriad parenting choices you make in the infant year.  I stocked up on supplies, took the class, and geared up for the demanding schedule.  I looked forward to the bonding and this special experience I would get to have with my son.  I planned to breastfeed for exactly 12 months, no more and no less.  And as happens so often in parenthood, it didn't go exactly that way with any of my three children.

Josh was born with a series of craniofacial birth defects that made it impossible for him to nurse.  Renown had an awesome lactation consultant who helped me figure out the breast pump and the pumping schedule right away.  And although I had a love-hate relationship with that pump, it was really a blessing to be able to contribute and be connected to my son even as he was being cared for down in the NICU.  There were a LOT of added challenges with the exclusive pumping schedule and especially with doing it while living out of the Ronald McDonald House and being in and out of the hospital all day, but I am so grateful that I got to feed Josh the kind of milk that I so wanted to for his first few months of life.  When he came home, probably due to a combination of factors (stress, having the wrong kind of pump for exclusive pumping, mastitis), my milk supply quickly dwindled, and we switched Joshua to formula at 4 months.  This was in some ways a relief, as we were spending literally 12 hours a day feeding him (between the pumping, offering him a special bottle to prevent oral aversion, slowly tube feeding him most of it, holding him upright for to prevent aspiration, and then cleaning the pumping equipment, tube feeding equipment, and special bottle).  But it also felt like a crushing blow, and not at all the way I had expected or wanted the feeding of my baby to go.  

Because of this first experience, I am so grateful for the nursing journeys I got to have with my two girls.  I had learned not to bring so many expectations with pregnancies #2 and #3, but I still hoped to get to do a year of breastfeeding, and hopefully not via the pump.  My experiences with Zoey and Ivy were pretty similar.  They were both able to nurse, and my body was able to produce, with no problems.  There are always some hiccups - it hurts to get started, there were a couple rounds of mastitis, there were times when I wished I wasn't the only one who could help them get back to sleep in the middle of the night - but overall, things were very smooth.  And this was SO healing for me.  It was a gift to be able to have the moments of bonding and middle of the night cuddling that I had always imagined.  It was a blessing to have things go so easily when I knew firsthand how hard it could be.  It was awesome to nurse with barely any use of the breast pump.  Because of this, I did extended breastfeeding with both of my girls - 16 months with Zoey, 24 months with Ivy (that's why i chose this topic today - Ivy just weaned this month).  I didn't plan or expect to go so long with either of them, but it's special time and I'm extremely grateful for it.  

Day 16: This hard lesson

I'm throwing this one waaaay back to my elementary school days.  I'm grateful for some discipline I received that taught me some lessons that I still remember today.

The situation was this:  at the end of the school day, my babysitter was in a conversation with another adult that felt like it was taking forever, so I rolled my eyes behind her back.  Although the babysitter did not see it, another adult saw me roll my eyes and told my parents about it.  My parents made me write an apology letter to my babysitter.  At the time, I felt both humiliated and infuriated because the babysitter had not even seen the eye roll, so now I was having to tell her about my bad action towards her; also, I didn't feel like it was that big of a deal, and now there was a whole group of people involved in resolving the situation.  But I wrote the letter, my babysitter received it graciously, and we moved past it.

Here are the lessons I am grateful that I learned from that situation (which I don't always execute perfectly, but which are good ideals to strive towards):
1)  You should treat people with kindness, patience, and respect, even when no one is watching, because this is the right way to conduct yourself in the world, because this will build the right kind of heart attitudes, and because this is what it means to be a person of integrity.
2)  You should treat people with kindness, patience, and respect because you never know who is watching.  A small little throwaway word or action might have ripple effects into relationships and your reputation that you never know about. 
3)  It's annoying when people call you out for acting badly, but this is often at least *partly* because you know that you shouldn't have done the thing and now you are being held accountable and needing to acknowledge that you were wrong.  So when you're annoyed because someone is saying something hard to you, it's good to start with introspection about whether any of the annoyance is because they're right. 

I'm grateful to all of the adults involved for planting the seeds of these important life lessons at a young age.

Day 15: These special talents of mine...

We are rolling into the holiday season, which means there's a lot of holly jolly stuff happening in the next 6 weeks.  For our family, this also includes some birthdays and a trip halfway across the country.  As we head into this busy season, I'm grateful that I'm good at managing mental load.  I'm good at keeping track of tasks through lists, and for the most part I'm good at moving through these lists pretty efficiently.  Both of my parents role modeled this for me, for which I am grateful.  And I'm tremendously grateful that I have more time and bandwidth to devote to mental load since Kenny is earning all the household income right now, which makes an enormous difference. 

My organizational abilities are hit or miss - we do not have a particularly organized house, for example.  But when it comes to the mental load of running the household (things like meal planning, signing the kids up for activities on time, doing all the school and special needs paperwork, etc.), I'm grateful that keeping track of tasks comes pretty naturally and doesn't feel like a huge burden.  This absolutely does not mean that mistakes are never made and that things are never missed, and actually by naming this skill in this post I'm fearful that I'm about to miss some huge thing - but I don't actually think the universe works this way, and I'm still grateful that things with mental load have gone pretty well up to now.

Day 14: 5 big things

On the eve of midterm elections, I've got politics and constitutional amendments and types of government on my mind.  Lots of people, myself included, are unhappy with aspects of how the U.S. government is currently being run.  But you know what's awesome?  We still have really important freedoms.  Many of these even facilitate our ability to push for change in the government.  So today, the five big things I'm thankful for are the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

1.  Freedom of religion - We can practice our religion freely, and we can be assured that nobody else's religion will be forced upon us.  This is one of those dichotomies that is always being worked out and is never perfected, in the same way that individual freedom and the common good sometimes bump up against each other and decisions need to be made that restrict one or the other.  But it's awesome that our country has named both of these freedoms as things to aspire to.  

2.  Freedom of speech - This is a pretty humble little blog, but there are countries where I could be thrown in prison for using a forum like this to write any thoughts that go against the government message.  Ditto with any thoughts that have come out on social media.  We can speak our minds with freedom and the only fear is getting in an online fight with an acquaintance who feels differently.  

3.  Freedom of press - Yes there are some problems with biased news sources on both the right and the left, but a robust free press is keeping the public informed and keeping the government accountable.  Especially in a time when truth is treated as optional, it's good to have the press poking holes in lies.  

4.  Freedom to assemble - We can meet up to organize for our causes.  We can peacefully march and protest.  

5.  Freedom to petition our government for redress of grievances - we can complain to our government or seek the assistance of our government without fear of punishment.  So if you don't like how Congress or the White House is performing, light up those phone lines!

I'm so grateful for these freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment.  

Day 13: 5 small things

This weekend is the annual "Fall Back" of Daylight Savings.  As many memes have noted, when you have young kids, this does not usually mean sleeping in.  BUT, how often do we all wish for more time?  Getting the gift of an extra hour means we all got to enjoy a long, lazy morning together.  Here are 5 things that I am grateful that I was able to do because of our longer morning:

1.  Read the kids a story about Pocahontas - getting our history on!
2.  Make homemade pizza dough, simplifying dinner time later. 
3.  Play a board game.
4.  Finish a novel that I've been trying to get through for months.
5.  Make it to church on time!

Day 12: I love this about how i look

Oooh, this is an uncomfortable one!  I'm grateful that I was lucky enough to inherit the long, lean body type from the Fickenscher side of the family.  I like that, because of that, I can receive hand me downs from my more fashionable mom and sister.  I'm grateful that it has allowed me some athletic opportunities in high school and college, and that it makes it easier to pick up running even though I'm more of a dabbler than a hard-core dedicated athlete these days.  I'm grateful that I can reach things that are up high.  I'm grateful that, by sheer luck of genetics, I've been able to get back to about the same shape and size after three pregnancies.  There are things I would love to change about my body shape, just like everyone, but all in all I'm grateful for what I've been given in my body type. 

Day 11: About my school or job

The secret to looking lawyerly when you're young:  glasses.

Today, I'm going to discuss something for which I was grateful in two of my former jobs:  I got to work in two non-profit law firms where the vast majority of attorneys were female.  There were so many things that were awesome about both of these workplaces that they could (and probably will) fill a whole volume of thankful posts, so today I'm going to focus on the mostly female workplace part.

First, I'm grateful for what there was not - nobody was trying to undermine or beat out anyone else.  While many of us were competitive by nature, we applied our competitive nature to our cases and our non-profit mission.  There wasn't any locker room talk or boy's club atmosphere.  There wasn't gossiping and backbiting. 

Second, I'm grateful for what there was:  Friendship.  Support, encouragement, and cooperation.  It was inspiring to be surrounded by these smart, driven women who were using their talents to better the world, and it gave me a model for what I wanted my career to look like.  Both offices took great pains to be flexible and family friendly.  People knew each other's kids and spouses, at least a little bit.  People made time to help each other with cases. 

There were males there, too, and they were great.  (I think it takes a certain sort of strength in a man to do well in a working environment led by women, so kudos to you men.)  But I'm grateful to have had the experience, twice, of being surrounded by co-workers who were smart, social justice oriented, kind, and mostly female. 

Day 10: About my Friends

I had to think hard about which friends to shout out for this post - not because I'm so ragingly popular, but because I've been lucky to have really great friends in different stages of my life.  I'm deeply grateful for my good friends from school and different church communities we've been a part of, but today I'm going to talk about the friends who I see the most these days and who are helping me get through this stage of life.   

I'm so grateful for my playgroup moms here in Reno.  Some of the moms in this group knew each other back when we were childless co-workers, so it helped that we already had a friendship and some things in common before kids were added to the mix.  I love that I can talk to these moms about all things good and hard about parenting; about my thoughts on when and whether to go back to work (for the bazzillionth time); about the silly or the deep.  I am so deeply grateful for their encouragement and support and sense of humor.  

We had the same core group meeting for a solid two years.  Now in year three, we have started to meet less frequently as the older kids reach school age - some are back to work, some are now homeschooling, most of us have added another kid or two, and for all of us it's hard to get together as often as we originally did.  But I'm so grateful for the continued relationship via texts and mom's night out and birthday parties and group swimming lessons.  And I know that I will always appreciate the group that helped me get through these sometimes lonely and challenging young child years.  

Day 9: What I love about this planet...

These categories of gratitude are so huge!  Where do you even start with what you love about planet earth?  If you choose the mountains, how can you leave out the ocean?  Even if you just look at America, how do you choose between the granite peaks of Yosemite and the rocky beaches of Oregon and the rolling plains of Nebraska?  Between the lush forests of the East Coast and the wide open spaces of the Western half of the country?  I've just had brief glimpses of the beauty of the world outside of America, but some of the things I've seen - the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland, Macchu Picchu in Peru - are spectacular.  So today, I'm grateful for the diversity of the beatiful features on Planet Earth, all of them beautiful and life-giving in their own way.  I'm grateful for everything I've seen in person so far, and hope to see much more of this amazing planet.

Day 8: A Compliment i receive lately...

I am grateful for my mom because she always knows the best things to say.  When it comes to compliments, hers are thoughtful, specific, and sincere - the best kind.  In a recent conversation about some of Joshua's doctor visits, she told me that I am just the right mom for Josh - in this case, meaning staying on top of the special needs visits and paperwork but also keeping things positive. 

Here's a truism about most moms:  we never feel like we're enough.  We never feel like we're everything our kids need us to be, or everything we should be.  I suspect this has always been the case, but I think social media takes competitive and comparative parenting to a whole new level.  So when someone tells you that you're doing a good job with your parenting, it's so life-giving.  I'm grateful for my mom, and her strong, faithful support and encouragement.

Day 7: To taste...

I am grateful to taste Chili's Southwest Egg Rolls.  Since we have 3 young kids, we very rarely eat dine-in meals at restaurants, and I do a LOT of food preparation.  So it's a big treat for me to get restaurant food that someone else has prepared.  There's a Chili's near our house, they have an easy take-out system, and they have food options that work for everyone in our family, so Chili's is one of our regular go-tos.  Feeding Josh and Ivy is especially tricky, since Josh is extremely picky and Ivy is at that in-between age where she won't eat a full restaurant meal but she needs more than just a few bites of my food.  Chili's has a "triple dipper" appetizer option where I can get chicken tenders to feed Josh (since breaded chicken product is the one restaurant food he will eat), some other side to feed Ivy, and then get these delicious Southwest egg rolls for the rest of us to share.  I didn't mean for this post to turn into an advertisement for Chili's, although I am a fan - I'm just so grateful for the break and help in feeding our family, for a restaurant that meets all our food needs, for living in a time that you can get restaurant food and drive it back to your house, and for delicious food. 

Day 6: I am Grateful I can hear...

I am grateful that I can hear Kenny playing guitar music.  He spends some time playing guitar almost every night, usually shortly after dinner, and it's this really pleasant time in our household.  The kids are milling around, half listening and half playing.  We all have our favorite songs that he plays - mine is "Country Roads", Zoey's is "No Woman, No Cry", etc.  I'm so grateful for the moments when our house is filled with music that we can all enjoy. 

Day 5: Financially...

I am grateful that God has always provided money for my basic needs to be met, whether this was through my parents, a job, a student loan, or family income.  I'm not saying there's never been lean times, or that I don't follow a budget, but I've never been in a position where I had to worry about where my or my kids' next meal was coming from.  And I realize that this fact alone puts me in a category of ridiculous wealth compared to almost all other times and places in history.  It lets me think about things other than survival.  It lets me enjoy and/or worry about all kinds of things other than money, which is only possible because there is more than enough to pay for food, housing, and clothing.  I am so grateful for the huge blessing of God's financial provision, and I hope that reflection on this great blessing causes me to be more generous.

Day 4: Today I am grateful for...

Today I am grateful for the right to vote.  I love living in a country where the government is a representative democracy, and we all get the right to have a say in who and how things are run.  I love seeing all the other people who are out voting or running the polling places, everyone doing their civic duty.  I love the little sticker they give you saying "I Voted".  I'm grateful that even when the election doesn't turn out the way you hoped, there will be another opportunity to cast your vote within 2-4 years.  And I will be REALLY grateful if a few of these bigger elections turn out the way I voted...

Day 3: About my Hometown...

Today's prompt is "about my hometown".  The first question is, what's my hometown?  I was born in Sacramento, spent my first 13 years in Norfolk, Nebraska, attended high school and continue to visit my family every year in Lincoln, Nebraska, and currently live in and plan to raise my family in Reno.  I have lots of love for Lincoln and Reno, but for today's prompt, I'm going to write about my OG hometown:  Norfolk, NE.

Norfolk is a small town of 21,000 people, with no bigger population towns anywhere within 100 miles.  One thing that's fun about small Midwestern towns is that everyone is very loyal to the local sports team.  The varsity football and basketball games are social events for the whole town, and if the team makes it to state playoffs, the fans will caravan en masse to root root root for the home team.  This is a super fun way for the townspeople to have a sense of unity and camaraderie, and I'm grateful I got to be a part of it for many years.  (And even to play on some Norfolk Panthers teams in junior high.) 

I'm especially grateful for 1994, when the Norfolk Panthers beat the Benson Bunnies to win the Class A State Football championship, and in that same season, the Nebraska Cornhuskers won the National Championship.  Sports fandom does not get much better than that!

Day 2: About My Health...

Backpacking trip up Mt. Blanca

 I am grateful for the great blessing of good health so far throughout my life.  Health is one of those things that I often take for granted, so it's good to have a prompt to remember what a difference it makes.  When I was younger, good health allowed me to participate in many fun and memorable activities - volleyball and track teams in high school and college, climbing mountains while living in Colorado, and running half marathons.

Now that I'm older, every brief bout with sickness or injury reminds me how much I rely on good health to take care of my family.  Caring for little kids takes a surprising amount of energy and physical stamina, and it's really hard to manage when you as the caretaker are ill, or when part of your body needs to rest because it's injured.  I've never had a major or chronic illness or injury, and I'm extremely grateful for that.

30 days of gratitude, 2018. Day 1: About My Family

(I got this challenge from scaleitsimple.com)

One of the nice things about having a blog that you write just for fun is that you get to choose
your own pace of writing and posting.  This is also one of the hard things.  Fall is traditionally a slower time of blogging for me.  This is partly because there are many extras in our life this season (all the kids' birthdays, back to school and IEPs and Katie Beckett, all the holidays), and partly because my mood somewhat mirrors the seasons, so fall feels like a time for reflection and melancholy rather than prolific writing. 

However!  If you don't post at least once in awhile, then your blog dies. So I'm going to start my 30 days of gratitude early this year because 1) i want to keep the blog going, 2) my perspective could use a gratitude ramp up starting immediately; and 3) this will allow for a few days off of blogging between now and the end of November.

Here's the full 30 day challenge, if anyone wants to join in the fun!  I will put this first day up on Facebook, but the rest I will only post on my blog.

Day 1:  About my family...

I am grateful for Kenny because he is smart and thoughtful, and the way he thinks about life and faith and politics challenges me and makes me grow.  I'm grateful for his wry sense of humor.  I'm grateful for the musical interludes he brings to the house when he plays guitar.  I'm grateful for the way he sets goals and achieves them, and for the way he has dreams for the future.  I'm grateful for his creativity and his writing skills.  This list really just scratches the surface.

I am grateful for Josh because of his sweet smile, his sense of fun, his passion for the things he's interested in (and anyone who knows him knows what those things are!), his strength and persistence in the face of adversity, and his kind heart.

I'm grateful for Zoey because of her sensitive spirit, her sharp wit, her funny combination of strong feelings and empathy combined with a heavy dose of logic and rationality, her love for her rope, her creativity expressed through dancing, and her love for her family.

I am grateful for Ivy because she's always ready to have a dance party, she was born with more social and emotional intelligence than I will ever have, her big eyes see everything, and she brings so much fun and love to the family. 

I am grateful for Gus because he's loyal and affectionate and a good friend to all of us.

What are you grateful for about your family? 

Ode to the Blue Carpet

This blog post is an ode to our now removed blue carpet.  We changed out our flooring a few weeks ago, and I'm thrilled that we got that opportunity because it's now easier to clean, better for allergies and asthma, and better looking.  But the blue carpet was the defining look of the first 3 years in this house, so I want to post a few pictures in memory before I get to the before and after reveal at the end.

Nice soft surface for babies

Playing ferry boat - blue carpet doubles as pretend water

Soft surface for wrestling

Playing pirate boat, again with the pretend water

Posing for soooo many pictures

Soft surface for playtime

Now that I've paid proper tribute, here's the before and after reveal:

This is the before...

...and this is the after!

Liturgy of the Ordinary

I've been thinking about how to make my Christian faith a more organic, integrated part of my day to day life.  I'm doing okay on things like regular church attendance and regular quiet times, but even if those things are done with 100% faithfulness, they still just make up a small fraction of time in my week.  If my faith is the most important thing to me, it deserves more time and attention.  But how does that work out practically, with the demands of life?  With jobs and kids and household chores, not to mention the daily Facebook scrolling?  It already feels like a fight to carve out the fraction of time that's devoted to God.

I was looking for ideas along the ideas of Brother Lawrence's wonderful classic "The Practice of the Presence of God".  His idea is that you DO continue to go about your life - you peel potatoes, you wash dishes - and you stay in community with God at the same time.  I love this idea, and I was eager to find a book that fleshed out this idea as applied to modern life.  I found this book, and remarkably, it is also thoughtful, well written, funny, and steeped in good theology.  (And it will make you want to become an Anglican!  I am not currently Anglican, but I have a lot of love and respect for Anglicans.)  The book is called "Liturgy of the Ordinary: Sacred Practices in Everyday Life" by Tish Harrison Warren.

Warren takes eleven moments out of an ordinary day - things like brushing your teeth, losing your keys, checking email - and combines them with eleven spiritual practices in Christian life.  This sounds gimmicky, and in the wrong hands it certainly could be, but in this book it is SO well done.  (It's worth noting that The Gospel Coalition and Sarah Bessey both agree with my enthusiastic endorsement, so this book has a broad range of support in the Christian community.)  The idea is that there are reminders of God working in the world and working his redemption in us constantly, every day, in the most mundane moments, and she illuminates some of the ways we can watch for this and be blessed (or be challenged to grow) as we go about our lives.

Some highlights (these are just a few examples, as every chapter had great stuff; and these just give you an idea of the content, it's her fleshing out of the ideas that makes this book special):

• Losing your keys - this chapter was linked to confession, and the idea was that how you respond to the little irritations of life is a good barometer of where your heart is at.  Often we think of confession in relation to bigger things, but there are little moments every day where we lose our cool, or act selfishly, and the opportunity here is to notice this happening, and take the opportunity to confess and receive forgiveness and acceptance.  
• Calling a Friend - this chapter is linked to being in Christian community and gives a robust argument for being involved in a local church.  
• Eating Leftovers - this chapter was linked to both Communion and reading the Bible.  She talks about how you need to eat over and over, and while the vast majority of your meals will be very ordinary and forgettable, you absolutely need them to bring you life.  And that the type of food you eat can bring more or less health over time.  
• Fighting with My Husband - she links this with Passing the Peace, and writes about how the bulk of the "loving others" command in the Bible involves loving your family and closest friends well - and this is often the very hardest thing to do.  
• There is lots of value given to enjoying the pleasures of life, and sleep linked to Sabbath - I loved these ideas.

Also, she concludes her Acknowledgments section with my favorite sentence that I have ever seen and probably ever will see in an Acknowledgments section:  "And glory be to the Word, from whom any goodness in our little words flows, and by whom they will be redeemed."

This is a book I will return to again and again, and  I hope I have convinced at least a few of you to check it out.  It's that rare gem that is thoughtful and deep, but also very easy to read and applicable to real life.

America: Remembering the Good while Taking on the Bad

The week of Independence Day always makes me reflect on the state of things in America.  Like many, there are so many changes I would like to see.  Just to name a few:

• I would love to see changes in policy and law around guns, mental health, abortion, and immigration.  
• I would love to see more money go towards public education and public health insurance, enabling meaningful reforms. 
• I would love it if the population of our country was kinder and more empathetic, more thoughtful and less reactive, more solution-oriented rather than polarized.  I would love it if *I* was more of all the good things and less of all the bad things.
• I agree with the movements  #FamiliesBelongTogether and  #BlackLivesMatter and would like to see progress made on these fronts.

But.  I think it's also important to remember all the GOOD we have in America.  Again, just to name a few (and the disclaimer that I'm not saying there are zero problems in these areas):

• I can put up Facebook posts about all the things the government is getting wrong and not have someone show up at my door and arrest me.  I can call a Congressman directly and tell him I don't like how he voted on an issue, and he'll write me a letter thanking me for my opinion. 
• I can assemble with my fellow Christians at our house of worship or at a barbeque and no one tries to stop us.
• We have a safety net to help people meet survival needs.  
• Because many of us have our survival needs met, we are able to think about things besides just how to survive, like how to make our country better for all people.  
• The law enforcement agents and courts don't take bribes, and they don't work only for the rich.  Violent crimes are prosecuted.  
• We have free public education guaranteed for everyone, and we have many of the finest universities in the world.
• Libraries!!
• Our health care system can take on extremely complex problems and save many lives that couldn't be saved at any other time or place in history.  (But when the bill comes, I'll boot that up to the list of challenges above.)
• Our tech innovators are coming up with amazing solutions to make life better and to solve some of the world's most pressing problems.
• We have spectacular natural features, and parks that are dedicated to preserving this nature.
• We have time and public spaces for leisure activities.

I write both of these lists because I think it's so easy for all of us, myself included, to drift into thinking either that America is *all* bad or it's *all* good.  It's hard to hold simultaneous mental space for both the blessings and the challenges.  But I think both are really important - remembering the good keeps us grateful for what we have, and remembering the bad motivates us to be better. 

Happy birthday, America!  I'm grateful to live in this country, grateful that we have the freedoms to fight to make it better, and hope to see positive change as time marches on.  

Why I Participate in Awareness Days

Example awareness meme, also a plug for a great organization!

If you have been Facebook friends with me for awhile, you may have noticed that I frequently post about special needs awareness days, such as the picture in my profile right now (if you're reading this in the week I post it), or like this meme to the left.  I also post frequently about various things in the special needs world...pictures of our appointments, articles about IEPs, and so much more.  Why?

Part of it, as with all things social media, is for attention.  (I don't mean this accusatorily - I post stuff daily, so whatever finger might be pointing at you the reader with this statement, there are four big fat fingers pointing back at me.)  But sometimes I'd rather not have the attention for this particular thing.  It's always fun to post pictures and get likes from a day at Lake Tahoe, but it's not always fun to draw attention, yet again, to the special needs stuff.  Sometimes it sounds very appealing to fly under the radar with these kinds of things.  Here is why I post about awareness days and doctor's appointments and all the rest of it anyway:

• Education - It helps you know how to support me, and possibly also how to support those close to you who have a loved one with some kind of disability or special needs.  It gives you a picture of what we might be thinking about and how to talk to us.  I *welcome* conversations about the special needs world and I am not easily offended if you don't know the exact words to use :).
• Personal Sharing - When I post about appointments and milestones, it lets you celebrate or mourn with me.  If people want, they can pray for us.  It might give you some insight into why I'm looking extra happy or extra frazzled on a particular day.  There are things about this life that can feel very lonely, and it helps tremendously to be able to share it.  
• "Shine Bright" - when Josh was first born with lots of health difficulties (here's his story)(here's Kenny's excellent book about his story), and then again when he got his genetic diagnosis, it raised lots of questions about what his life was going to be like.  At both of those times, I wish I could've seen into the future how much good is in his life.  He's happy, he gets to do lots of fun and normal stuff, he's learning and growing, he gives and receives love - although there are struggles and extra appointments, it's a good life.  I hope this message reaches a few people who need to hear it - if you get a prenatal diagnosis of a genetic disorder, if your child receives a genetic diagnosis - there is so much beauty and goodness in this life.  (And if it would help you to talk to someone, I would love to be that person.  If you're not ready to talk but want prayers, I would also love to be that person.)  
• For decision makers - If you are on the school board, if you are a leader in your church, if you are a leader in your community or part of your local or state government - I hope you see stories like mine from time to time, and they convince you to put more emphasis on inclusion in schools, on creating a special needs program in your church, on funding a job training program for the developmentally disabled, or anything else that might come up in your area of influence.  
• For voters - As health care and disability issues come up in elections, I hope my Newsfeed gives you a story to connect with as you're thinking about how to vote.  
• For my tribe - If you are part of a special needs subculture, everyone lights it up on awareness days.  My Newsfeed is filled with "Shine Bright" profile pictures this week and it makes me smile to see the faces of fellow 4q kids.  It's like we're all sending our bat signal to each other.  

That's why I do all these special needs posts.  Other special needs parents, what would you add?