I waited a few days after the Women's Marches to post this because I don't want to take away from what was a really positive event. I loved seeing pictures of friends across the country marching for reasons that I (largely) agree with. I love seeing democracy in action, and I especially loved seeing multiple generations marching together. (I've blogged about something along these lines!)
Having said that -- the bee that I can't get out of my bonnet is the way that pro-life feminists have been rejected by many this week. This combination of beliefs (pro-life + feminist) was in the news because there was a group of pro-life feminists that were added, and then removed, as partners in the Women's March. I'm not so concerned about this (because the leaders of the march made it clear that individual pro-lifers could march) as I am about all the conversation that followed this incident (on social media and in articles), showing that many feel that pro-lifers have no place in the feminist movement. I think pro-lifers should be included in the feminist movement - here's why, and here's what I think that looks like.
Why should feminists include / embrace pro-lifers?
1. Strength in numbers. The number of people who identify with with both feminism and pro-life beliefs is not marginal. According to this article, "more than half of millennial women who identify as feminists consider themselves pro-life (18 percent) or both pro-life and pro-choice (37 percent)." Of course, numbers alone are not enough - half the population is wrong about things all the time - but big numbers should be a reason to take an issue under consideration.
2. Because so many of our causes overlap. Some might wonder why pro-lifers would even want to be part of a group that promotes women's rights. It's because we (well, speaking only for myself, but i'm sure many others too) agree on TONS of things, including (but not limited to): equal pay for equal work; better maternity and family leave; robust public assistance programs (especially for child care and health care); better availability of birth control; and that our leaders should have respectful words, attitudes, and policies towards women.
3. Because some of our causes overlap not just despite, but because of, our different position on abortion. I am pro-life because I believe that life believes at conception -- but I do understand (particularly as a recently pregnant woman and a special needs mom) that asking a woman to carry a pregnancy to term and then care for the child who is born is a huge responsibility that can affect every single thing about her life and that she will not necessarily get help from anyone. And it is because of this that I support better access to birth control, and better supporting policies after birth for everything - maternity leave, child care, health care, etc. I (and probably most pro-life feminists) support these things both because they are pro-woman and because they will likely reduce the number of abortions. Even if we can't agree on the abortion question, we can work together productively on all these other things.
So what exactly do I, as a pro-lifer, want from the feminist movement?
I would like to be treated with respect rather than contempt - that even though we deeply disagree on the abortion issue, an acknowledgement that I'm not coming from a hateful place. A focus on how we can work together on the issues we agree on, rather than continued ugly argument about the thing we disagree on. I would love to never see another Internet comments section that generalizes about what all pro-lifers are like, and particularly that accuses all of us of being pro-birth rather than pro-life, but then does everything possible to exclude those of us who try to be pro-life from cradle to grave.
I would like to hear what you all think of this issue, but I also want to ask everyone to please be kind since this is a sensitive topic (disagreement is fine, of course). Everyone who's ever commented on my blog has been respectful, but in case this is the one time things go south, I want to put out the caveat that I will delete rude comments.
I admit I struggle with this, enough that I don't know if I could coherently comment. I am a pro-choice feminist, and struggle to reconcile what I would call anti-choice with that. All the reasons I support choice would be all the reasons you know, you are not an uneducated woman on that or any topic! My views of when life start are not the only important piece to that puzzle, and the existence of life (cells growing and multiplying) is not my only consideration. But again, debating our views on abortion isn't really the exact point here, no?
ReplyDeleteI think it comes back then to: what is my definition of a feminist? That's the bit I haven't fully articulated in my head, but fundamentally it seems that I get to be the one to determine what happens to my body, including the people I'm growing inside of it WHILE they are inside of it. Having safe and legal options to manage my health of my own body, under the supervision of my doctor, feels fundamental to the idea of feminism to me. It is a uniquely feminine thing to be able to grow people in me, and once two cells have joined inside my lady parts and start growing, to say that other people then get to make decisions about that outside of my control, especially ones that impact MY health, I can't reconcile that with feminism in my mind.
Yet, when I heard the hoo-ha about the pro-lifers and the March, that felt wrong too.
As you can see, I don't know what I think, and possibly have not contributed to this conversation at all LOL! But it is something I have been mulling over. The other big topic weighing on me personally of late (even though you didn't ask) is that whole "I have friends or family who support a politician I do not" (I'm being intentionally vague) and can I really be friends with someone with THAT different of views as I do? I also haven't settled on that, but if you right a blog about it, I'll probably ramble in your comments there too.
As to Issue 1 - i think feminism should be wide enough to include pro-lifers for the reasons listed above, but this definitely does create some discomfort all around (for pro-choicers, because of the reasons you listed above; for pro-lifers, in being part of a movement that holds pro-choice as one of its tenets). I appreciate how respectful you were in your considerations, because the main thing that has bothered me is all these assumptions about what i believe, how i conduct myself, and how i vote. I agree that there is a legitimate conversation to be had about whether feminism should include those with a pro-life stance or not, and if not, then those of us who are pro-life can start our own movement, and hopefully there is still room for the movements to work together on places of overlapping belief.
DeleteAs to Issue 2 - i also struggle with this! I have TONS of friends who voted differently than me and who i think are good people, and i definitely plan to continue to be friends with them (and they have all continued to be friends with me). And sometimes i think that i should just stop posting anything political on facebook or on the blog because friendships are more important than me posting a political thing. But i saw something this week about how that's my privilege showing - it's easy for a white, straight, middle class, Christian to say things like, "can't we all just get along" because I'm personally not going to be affected (at least in those categories - will still be affected if there is slashing of Medicaid, special ed funding / laws). I think the reasons people vote the way they do are so complex, and in our 2 party system so imperfect, that for me political positions are not a reason to end friendships. (But if someone chooses to end a friendship with me because of a political position that i take, publicly or privately, then so be it.)
DeleteMore thoughts. I do feel this is a huge common ground for both sides "...support better access to birth control, and better supporting policies after birth for everything ..." And it's worth saying that for me, pro-choice is never pro-abortion. I know for some extreme folks they like to say that, and I feel that is entirely unfair. To me, pro-choice includes the choice to actually keep a child, even when your life's circumstances are going to make that really rocky. For me, a pro-choice stance needs to think about a woman who is considering abortion because financially she can't possibly afford a child (healthcare expenses for herself and the child, child care, and everything about those next 18 years). And that also is very much a feminist concern in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI think what is a real opportunity for feminism and for women is to not be divisive, find that common ground, and approach things from a different perspective than is currently happening and failing. Not just having reactive responses to these issues, but walking back to the heart of what causes them. I personally get very frustrated about the domino effect with women's health care: attempt remove access to legal/safe abortions, remove access to health clinics that might provide them and ignore all the other aspects of those clinics, remove access to affordable birth control, remove access to birth control altogether for some groups, remove access to sex education. On the other end of it, remove access to health insurance (ACA, Medicaid), remove access to food assistance programs, no supports for child care, cut back on or remove welfare.
Again I'm so rambly, sorry. But as a whole picture, these are all feminist issues to me. So getting caught up in one issue buried deep in that pile, how about we start at the top instead? Let's try to come together and address all these issues that come far far before the issue of abortion. No, it won't eliminate the need for that conversation eventually, but that's also a shared goal dare I say. No one wants abortion, certainly as the go-to option. So let's try to eliminate the need for it, have that be a goal as a starting point.
So talking around in circles, I think for us to make an progress, feminism has to have a place for both of us. We have to find the common ground, because frankly, the inability to do so is the heart of what is wrong with our entire political landscape. The art of compromise is long gone, and it is just simply not possible to have a "my way or the highway" view unless you are the only person on the planet.
Really like this and would really really love more people (on both sides) to be in this place - we don't have to agree on abortion to work together on the things we do agree on.
DeleteHi Erin, I followed your Facebook link to this blog post and was deeply touched. I am in no way a gatekeeper to any feminist group, but if I were, I would want you in that group! I find myself closer to Laura Wagner in my overall opinion on abortion, but have total compassion for people who feel as you do. (Laura - your posts are also so thoughtful -- I found myself nodding in agreement at the computer screen).
ReplyDeleteErin, your commitment to humanity (female, male, adult, child, baby and fetus) is so obvious and vast that -- in my opinion -- it would be insane to treat you with anything but respect or presume you outside of the feminist fold. If all pro-lifers had your eloquence and priorities, I'd like to think that the divisiveness among us would be eliminated quickly. Your list of 3 things that we'd be better off working toward together is just the tip of the iceberg. I do hope we'll have the chance.
Thanks Jaime! Great to hear from you!
DeleteThank you so much for writing this. I marched on Saturday, and I go back and forth on this issue: can you be anti-choice and be a feminist? I can see both sides. I've gone back and forth since this weekend! Where I come down (for right now, anyway) has to do with your item #1, strength in numbers. I think that we are at a crisis point in our history, and we need to make alliances that are bigger than individual issues (no matter how important they are). The March for Women had a set of statements that made up their platform, and reproductive freedom was just one of them (although a critically important one). Maybe they could have allowed for more diversity of thought in that one area, since the anti-choice feminists were aligned on every other issue?
ReplyDeleteFor the long-term future of feminism, I'm even more torn. The terms "pro-life" and "anti-abortion" seem so misleading to me. Of course, pro-choice women are pro-life! Of course, pro-choice women also hope that abortion is rare!
For me, the main issue is the question of pro-choice vs. anti-choice: Do you believe that abortion should be illegal? Do you believe that the government and the power of the state should be used to FORCE women to carry a fetus to term? Even though many pro-choice and anti-choice people identify as "pro-life," only 37% of Americans (according to Pew) think that abortion should be illegal (or are anti-choice). Because feminism has historically ALWAYS been about taking back control over female bodies, I would have a hard time seeing how women who believe that the government and the state should make reproductive decisions are also feminists.
I do believe that abortion should be illegal - i don't want to turn this into a debate about abortion policy because i've never ever seen that be productive on the Internet, and i am guessing that we are both firm in our positions on that. I do see how that specific position is in conflict with the feminist movement. As I stated in my blog, I also see how this poses a big burden on women and that is one of the big motivations behind why I would like to do everything possible to help women avoid unwanted pregnancies in the first place, and to support them through and beyond unwanted pregnancies that happen. I think we can disagree deeply about abortion and have strong feelings about it, but still work together productively on birth control and better support for women with children.
DeleteThanks, Erin. I agree with everything you wrote. The one thing I would add, and as I told the friends I was marching with, the other reason the exclusion of pro-life feminists was disappointing to me is that it reinforced this idea that I feel the right first created that everything is a zero sum game. If you aren't totally with me then you are against me. We are going to get nowhere if we continue down that road. So it seemed ironic to me that many of the people marching were, I would guess, leaning progressive and would criticize most of the actions of the right. But how are we, as progressives, being any different if we say we can't stand arm in arm with people who agree with 90% of what we were marching for? It seems so short-sided.
ReplyDeleteI'm obsessed lately with the idea that we all need to have, in quiet, respectful ways with people in our own sphere, the uncomfortable conversations we have been avoiding in this toxic political environment. I have been fortunate enough to straddle a lot of worlds from a progressive/conservative perspective and it has really helped me to think more deeply about any issue. It's really good not to be in an echo chamber all the time.
Having said all that, I do understand how some feminist feel that being pro-life is antithetical to feminism because controlling your body is central to full equality and autonomy. (I'm reading Ta-Nehisi Coate's Between the World and Me right now and he talks a lot about lack of control over your body as central to the struggle of race in this country so my mind is reeling in a lot of directions. :) The point is I get it (and was once a march on Washington pro-choice person.) And I often still feel like the pro-life movement does not really see the woman's life as truly equal in value to the unborn child's. However, from a purely practical perspective, excluding pro-life feminists is short-sided. Especially for something like a march which while wonderful, and I think important, doesn't translate into change without action afterwards - phone calls, letters, and people running for office. So why not take the opportunity to find solidarity where you can?
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about this issue too. Thanks for the outlet to talk a little about it!