Lent, Spring Cleaning, & Courage

As Easter approaches, I've been learning more about Lent.  Growing up as a (mostly non-denominational) evangelical, I never learned much about Lent.  I knew when Lent began and ended, and very occasionally I gave up something minor for the season, but I never really understood why.  Now I attend an Anglican church, and Anglicans make it a primary point to observe and reflect on each point in the church calendar.  One of the pastors at my Anglican church, Nile Gomez, described Lent as spring cleaning - a time to take inventory of things that we want to keep and things that we want to get rid of, in order to make space for God.  

That same week, one of my friends posted this similar description of Lent:  “Yet whatever else it may be, Lent should never be morose – an annual ordeal during which we begrudgingly forgo a handful of pleasures. Instead, we ought to approach Lent as an opportunity, not a requirement. After all, it is meant to be the church’s springtime, a time when, out of the darkness of sin’s winter, a repentant, empowered people emerges.” From Bread and Wine: readings for Lent and Easter 

So I've been thinking about Lent from that perspective:  as a spring cleaning.  For me, two of the major problem areas in my life are fear and pride, and these are often two sides of the same coin.  I'm fearful when any aspect of my life goes  out of my control.  I make an idol out of comfort and routine, because these things give the illusion that I'm in control (rather than God) and feed my pride.  I resist anything that threatens to break up my momentary comfort and day-to-day routine because I'm fearful about all the things I can't control in that.  Unfortunately, fear is not as easy to give up as Facebook or chocolate.  (Not that those would be easy things to give up either!)  It will be a lifelong project for me.  But to make any progress - to clear out just a little bit of the fear that clutters my heart and make just a little more room for God - would be a useful spring cleaning.  And to add more of the opposite qualities - courage & faith - would also be a helpful spring cleaning. 


This Lenten season has brought up a perfect opportunity to work on fear.  We are moving across the country in a month.  The last blog post lists all the reasons why this will be a good move for our family, and I'm very excited to live close to our friends and family in Reno.  It's the transition that makes me so nervous.  My natural first response to any big change is to fret about all the things that could go wrong, stress about all the details that need to be worked out, and just let fear consume me.  (Kenny is handling most of the details of the move, and doing a great job, so that's calming my nerves about our upcoming transition -- but the general point still holds.)  When Kenny and I discuss major changes in our lives - like moving to a new state - he has the adventurous spirit and I have the Debbie Downer spirit.  I am oriented to keeping up the status quo.  He is oriented towards thinking about how our family can live in the best possible way and actively working to get to that place.   It's not entirely bad that we're different this way - we balance each other out - but he often brings up good ideas and my immediate reaction is to throw a damp towel on the whole thing.  I would like to live with more faith that God will take care of us as we go through changes, and more courage to do hard things that will ultimately make life better rather than staying forever in the same situation because in the moment, that's always the easier choice.  That's my goal for this Lenten season - have a little more faith and a little less fear.  But that's easier said than done.  How do I get there?

1.  Bible reading/ reflection - The Bible says some version of "Do not fear" more than 100 times.  My favorite is Joshua 1:9, listed above, and it's the verse I reflect on whenever we're going through a change.  God doesn't say that we won't go through nervous-making things, but He says that He will be with us and we don't need to be afraid.  Reflecting on these promises (remembering what they are, thinking about times when you've seen them come true in your own life and the lives of others) and praying for help with unbelief is by far the best way to defeat fear.  Using the example I gave above - moving to a new state - I can reflect on the fact that we we moved to the state of Virginia four years ago with a lot more unknowns hanging over our head, and God took care of us through that transition.  


2.  In the words of Nike, "Just do it."  I took Joshua to the dentist last week, and that is a very scary thing for him.  This time, as I was lifting him into the chair, the adults in the room were telling him that he was brave.  Joshua said, "I'm not brave!  I'm scared!"  (This became his mantra throughout the 30 second examination.)  And although he clearly *was* scared, he got through the appointment and he did better than he's ever done before.  I think there's an idea that really brave (or faithful) people don't feel any fear.  Maybe for some people that's true.  But I think that courage is shown in having enough faith to take actions even when you feel fearful.  And as you take big, scary steps and survive, this makes you a little less fearful the next time you take a leap of faith.  

This post ended up being a little bit of a jumble, but I would love to hear any thoughts on how to live with less fear, or your thoughts about Lent.  Or Anglicanism.  Or the dentist.