Hope through the Hard

I've been watching Battlestar Galactica this fall, and one of the big themes of the show is how much humans need hope. The show, in a nutshell, is about humans who are at war with robots they created, and most of the human species as well as Planet Earth has been wiped out in the course of this war. The remaining humans are floating around space in a fleet of spaceships - trying to survive, continuing to fight this war, looking for a new habitable planet - and trying to retain their humanity and find a reason to keep going as the days and months and years stretch on. Trying to find new reasons to hope when things they thought they could put hope in disappoint. (This is waaaay outside my normal type of show - space, sci-fi, and military shows are not my bag, and this one is all of those things - but it's so, so good.)

Though the conditions on this show are extreme, it gets at something that all of us know, or will eventually know at some point in life. Facing an impossibly hard circumstance. Figuring out how and why to keep going in the middle of it. Figuring out what we can put hope in that won't ultimately disappoint.

So, tying this to the month of Thanksgiving - I'm grateful for Bible passages that acknowledge the difficulty of life and offer profound hope in walking through that deep difficulty. These 3 in particular are sticking with me right now:

• Psalm 23 - This one acknowledges that we will walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. No glossing over hard times, no sugar coating how difficult they really are. But look at this list of all the ways God helps us through: he shepherds; leads; restores my soul; is with me; comforts me; follows me with goodness and mercy; and eventually, I will dwell in His house forever. I'm not alone in these hard things - God is actively helping me through, restoring the hurting parts, and continuing to give out so much goodness. What a hope, a God who helps me through hard times in so many ways.
• The Prodigal Son story (Luke 15:11-32) -  This famous story is about a father and two sons. One of the sons decides to get his inheritance early, part ways with his family, and go out into the world and live it up. Eventually he runs out of money and friends and hits rock bottom when he's sharing food with the pigs he's caring for. He decides to try crawling back to his family, expecting it to be a humiliating experience. Instead, his dad sees him coming from far away, runs out to meet him, throws his arms around him and is ecstatic to see him again. The father dresses the son in fancy clothing and throws a huge party with tons of great food for him. This one is hopeful to me because sometime we are in hard circumstances that are at least partly of our own making. In most situation, if you mess up badly, you can expect to pay the consequences - you might get fired, lose a relationship, lose a bunch of money, be looked down on by the people who know what you did. This father would've been totally justified in having a response like that - barring the son from returning, expecting him to apologize all over himself and grovel, treating him as less than for the choices he made - but instead, he is *delighted* to see his beloved child. He lavishly celebrates the lost son who has returned. It's a beautiful, unconditional, other-wordly sort of love. And this is the kind of love WE get from God when we turn back to Him after being absent, making a series of bad choices, thinking we knew the best way and then ending up in a terrible situation. What a hope, that kind of love.
• Revelation 21:4-5 says, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'" This is the promise of what we have to hope for, how things will eventually be. My job will be a thing of the past because there will be no more foster care, no more courtrooms, no more kids in heartbreaking situations. No more hospitals and cancer diagnoses. No more relational sadness, no more watching loved ones die. No more experiencing the breakdown of your body or mind. No more Kleenex, because no more sickness or sadness. This is a hope so big, so amazing, so beautiful that I can't wrap my head around it.

I am so grateful for these hopes, and I would love to hear what's bringing you hope these days. Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Running Post 2024

It's that time again!  Every time I run a longer race, it makes me want to write a running post.  I'm aware that I have multiple blog topics that might be interesting to those who are also into the thing, but boring-bordering-on-annoying to those not into it, and running might be at the top of the list (followed closely by homeschool).  So I invite you to skip this one if reading about running is like nails on a chalkboard for you.

Why run during this busy season?  

I covered it some here, but my life is a like a big pile of puzzle pieces right now.  Not necessarily busier than anyone else with kids and a job / homeschooling, but lots to fit in every week going in many different directions, and anything that's an "extra" can only be added for good reason.  The good reason with running is that this is what helps me keep my head on straight for everything else. The crazier life gets, the MORE I need the activity that helps my brain feel calm, focused, and able to work through things. Plus, as an introvert, I relish the alone time where it's just me and my music.

For those who are contemplating running a half marathon, here's what it's like for the recreational, could-be-better-trained, over 40 runner:

-This might just be my over 40 personality, but I am prone to avoid all activities that involve changing your sleep schedule, strategizing to find parking, and standing in line for a Port-a-Potty. Somehow though, for races, this all adds to the fun of it. Running in a big pack of people is fun, the music is fun, the race bibs are fun, and picking out your music is fun.

- For the first 7 miles, you feel really good, and you have to use self control not to blast off to a faster pace.  You enjoy the scenery and your fellow runners and the funny spectator signs and the kind people at the water stations.

- Somewhere between miles 7 and 10, your body might give you the equivalent of the Check Engine light.  Something will start hurting.  At this point, you have to decide if it's a genuine injury, or if a slow down / stretch might help, or if it's your mind playing tricks on you and you should keep going.  So far for me, it's usually one of the latter two, and if you just keep going you will feel better (or numb to the problem enough to get through the race).  If you train really diligently and include stretching, strengthening, and active recovery as part of your training plan, then you might be able to skip this step.  But who has time for that?

- Miles 10-13, your body will for sure hurt, and you have to start finding little tiny mini-goals to keep going.  Just get to that tree in the distance; that water table down the block; another quarter mile on your Garmin.  You will also note that it hurts as much to walk as to run, so might as well keep running and get the better time.  

-Mile 13 - you see the finish line in sight and turn on the gas for 1-3 blocks.  It feels amazing to cross and get handed the finisher's medal.  I usually collapse on the grass for a few minutes, then find some water, then hobble to my car and start thinking about the next race :).  

For those of you who are wondering specifically about the Rock Reno Half Marathon, here's a review with some of the distinctives:

Time of year:  Early October is a great time for a half marathon.  As your training runs get longer in September, the mornings and evenings are significantly cooler.  The leaves are starting to change color, so it's pretty.  The only big wild card with this (in Reno) is whether there is a bad fire season, as that can really affect the ability to get out and do long runs in August and September. Thankfully, even with a big fire right in town this year, our air quality stayed extremely good.

Location: This one starts in South Meadows, goes up Veteran's Parkway, and then goes west along the Truckee River until you get to the Aces stadium.  Most of the half marathons in Reno go from downtown to Mayberry Park, so it was nice to get a little variety. It was also nice that 90% of the run was along bike paths. The view usually included either mountains or river, the second half had some decent shade, and the elevation was very gently rolling, no killer hills.  This was a point-to-point marathon, so they took us in buses from the finish line to the start - that was a pretty smooth process (except when the bus driver got lost and we did an over-the-curb U-turn, but what that lacked in smoothness it made up for in hilarity).

Atmosphere: Positive environment, easy access, on the small side (there were around 400 that ran the half marathon portion of this race).  They call this Rock Reno, but the only music was at the start and finish lines (however, that music was dope, credit where credit is due.)

Overall: This was well run and pleasant - if you live near Reno and this works out conveniently for your schedule, I would give it two thumbs up. 

Trouble Me

I was listening to the Natalie Merchant song "Trouble Me" the other day (I linked the video above) and thinking about what a great instruction manual this song is for deepening friendship.  Here are the lyrics, then some thoughts on them, below --

Trouble, disturb me with all your cares and your worries

(Trouble me) on the days when you feel spent

Why let your shoulders bend
Underneath this burden
When my back is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me

don't mislead me
The calm I feel means a storm is swelling
(Speak to me) there's no telling where it starts or how it ends
(Speak to me) why are you building this thick brick wall to defend me
(Speak to me) when your silence is my greatest fear?

Why let your shoulders bend
Underneath this burden
When my back is sturdy and strong?
Speak to me

have a look inside these eyes while I'm learning
(Let me) please don't hide them just because of tears
(Let me) send you off to sleep with a
"There, there, now stop your turning and tossing"
(Let me) let me know where the hurt is and how to heal

Spare
Spare me
Don't spare me anything
Troubling

disturb me with all your cares and your worries
(Speak to me) and let our words build a shelter from the storm
(Let me) and lastly, let me know what I can mend

There's more, honestly
Than my sweet friend, you can see
Trust is what I'm offering
If you trouble me

----------------------------------------

I think this is great going both directions.  These are areas I'm trying to grow in, so I write the following thoughts as a student who's trying to be better:

Be the friend who is available to be troubled - 

• Making Time - this is maybe the hardest thing in our busy culture - having the time margin, or being willing to carve out the time margin, for friends.  Both making time for regular get togethers / phone calls / texts so that relationship is there when you need it, and making time right away when the proverbial poo hits the fan.  When a friend who you know is extraordinarily busy makes time for you, that alone can feel like a giant hug received.
• Distraction v. Presence - This is related to the one above, but is a little different, and might apply more to the people you see every single day - carving out the attention and mental space to really be present with the person, even as there is the work thing to attend to and the Facebook notification that just popped up and whatever else might be pulling on your attention even as you're physically present.  It's hard to have a real heart to heart when someone's got half an eye on their phone.
• Support Without Advising - Sometimes when people are pouring out their hearts, idea bubbles start popping up about action steps that could make the situation better.  And even if those are 100% right (which they may or may not be, as we rarely know all the dynamics of the situation if we are not the person in it), unless the person has specifically asked for advice, they are probably not looking for ideas on solutions as they are sharing their heart.
• Relentless Positivity -  I am all for gratitude and counting your blessings - a good chunk of my blog space goes towards this - but when someone is pouring out their grief, their deep sadness or fear or hurt - that's not the time to steer the conversation towards what's going well, or what can be learned through this, or how God is working, or anything else that attempts to wrap the situation up in a happy, presentable package.  Sometimes things are just hard, there is no positivity in that moment, and the gift is to acknowledge that.

Be the friend who is willing to trouble - 

• Wisdom in sharing - I think all of us have a tendency towards either oversharing or undersharing.  Mine is under, so I'll go into that in the next couple bullet points.  But I think it's wise to spend some time building a friendship and growing trust with a person before you spill all your last guts out.  There's also wisdom in seeing that some friends will be particularly well suited to hear particular areas of struggle.  I tend to talk the most about the challenges of special needs parenting with friends who also have children with special needs, for example.  Not because other friends aren't trustworthy and supportive, but because they haven't walked this particular road.
• Vulnerability - It takes courage to share the places where you struggle or you have messed up or you don't know how you're going to move forward.  It takes bravery to show someone your fears and hurts and sorrow.  If you can summon the courage and do it anyway, then you can potentially receive two beautiful gifts: 1) You can get support and love from the person you share with, and this can bring tremendous help, to know you're no longer alone in it, even as the thing still hurts so badly; and 2) You can deepen the bonds of that friendship by showing more of who you really are, warts and all. I am truly terrible at being the friend who is willing to trouble.  I am fiercely independent, unquestionably to a fault, and hate to open up about the hard parts of my life.  But there have been times when I just couldn't go it alone, and what a blessing to let the defensive wall crack and let light shine in through a friend.
• Instagram culture - I think one of the things that can help us with the courage needed for the vulnerability point above is to remember that Internet culture isn't real.  Everyone has imperfections and hurts, we mostly just don't broadcast these to the world. And we can be a huge help to our friends who are feeling like they are the only one who don't have their lives together by sharing the areas where WE don't have it all together.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk :).  If you have more thoughts on any of this, please share!

Day 30: Something You Find Magical About the Universe

I don't even know where to start with this final prompt.  There are so many things that I find magical about the universe!  This quote, from "The Magician's Nephew" by C.S. Lewis, captures a few of them:  the brilliance of stars at night; the transcendence of music; the poetry of words that captures these phenomena; and the wonder of God working through these things.  I find all these things magical and I'm so grateful for all of them.

Thanks to those of you who have followed along on my annual gratitude challenge.  I would love to hear if anyone participated along and had any highlights from your own list.

Day 29: A Public Figure

The public figure I'm grateful for is Sydney McLaughlin.  Sydney McLaughlin is the world record holder and most recent gold medal winner in the 400m hurdles.  She put on (arguably) the best performance in all of the Olympics in (arguably) the hardest of track and field events.  I admire her incredible athleticism, her excellence in form, and the discipline it takes to stay in top shape for this race and keep getting better and better.

But what I admire even more than her running ability is the way she carries herself.  She is utterly dominant and blows the rest of the field away, but she doesn't go around showboating.  She isn't falsely humble, and she's clearly focused when running and happy when she achieves her goal, but her whole identity isn't wrapped up in how she performs as a track and field athlete.  Her identity is rooted in her faith, which she shares consistently.

I'm grateful to have this athlete to look up to, and Sydney I'm rooting for you to break 50!!

Day 28: Something You Like About Your Job

 

The things I like the most about my job by far is meeting with the kids and the meaning I feel when I get to act on their behalf.

But today I'm going to write about another thing I love about being a lawyer, and that's how you get to use words with extreme care.  In real life, if you correct someone for being a little loose or sloppy with the way they're using words, it's considered annoying and overbearing.  But as a lawyer, they PAY you to use words in a way that is precise and convincing, and to go after the other side if they fail to do the same.  That is super fun to me, and I'm grateful for this part of my job.

Day 27: Little Things You're Grateful for About Your Significant Other

 This is not a little thing, but I'm grateful for how deeply Kenny loves his friends and family.  I'm seeing it right now in the context of loss, but I see it every day, particularly in how he orders his time.  If a relationship matters to him, he makes time for it.  If someone he loves is struggling, he is there for them.  If someone he loves is celebrating, he is also there for them.  His loyalty to family and friends runs deep, and I'm very grateful for this.